When to move back in together?

[saffie]

Anyway, I am trying to keep a clear conscience. I have never, ever struggled with hatred and loathing for someone like I do the OW. She has stolen so much from me, I can't let her have my heart.

When I first came to these boards it was because of the OW and my feelings towards her. MY H had been recommitted to our M for nearly a year. OW had been gone from our lives for all of that time and yet I could not stop thinking about her and what I wanted to do to her. I had been brought up to believe that hate was an extreme and bad emotion. Because I hated OW I could not let go of her and she was continuing to ruin my marraige. I thought of her all the time and my husband never did.

With help from the wonderful people on these boards and my C I came to understand that I did not have to stop hating her- it was a natural emotion. I just had to move on from what had happened and forgive myself for hating her. That was enough. I will never like her but allowing myself to hate her actually stopped that happening. I made a voodoo doll of her out of a Cabbage Patch doll for a laugh, (a barbie was far too thin) and I stuck a few pins in it!!!! Now I just pity her. She was rejected by my H. She left her own H and abandoned her children and although she has gone back to them they will always know that she did that. My H never checked out of our M and he never promised her he would - she just thought that she would be able to convince him to. In reality she had nothing to offer . she wasn't even a good fcuk.

Look to yourself and your H. Forget about OW because you can believe she doesn't give a damn about you.

Saffie