(((Puddle)))! Are u sure u don't know me? Funny how someone u have never met may intuitively know me better than someone I have lived with for 17 yrs. If u talked to my W and explained to her the way I think, she would probably listen more to u than me. To her, I am just a rediculous mess who has taken everything out on her and stifled / ruined her life.
Had a bit of a mess today in the car trying to go have fun with the boys at putt putt. I made a turn into the place, probably did not see the car coming and put us in a bad spot. I knew I made the wrong decision but I had already committed. No accident buit close and W sort of gets on me about it. I fired back saying "are u going to critisize my driving now". It went downhill from ther mainly cuz "I" wouldn't let it go. 10 minutes later we get out of the car to go in the place.........ultimately I apologized this evening for acting inappropriaty and not letting it go saying I don't want to act this way and was disappointed in myself. Told her still working on this one. Frankly I have no idea why her comment got to me and told her so.
F, again another out of body exerience as the weekend seemed to go really well.
Talke to S9 as I wasa ouát of the car and W had lagged behiæng. Told him I don't know where this is going just wanted him to know I loved him but that mom not happy with me at all...W asked me tonight what S9 has said
My bed is now "deflating" in the middle of the night, this is sad.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Ask all us guys here who have lost x lbs (maybe thats better) freaking out cuz their desperate housewife has left. Nice.
I hear ya CVA! I've lost almost 40 lbs since February. I'm below the weight I was at when I first met wife and probably in better shape. I've been getting more 'female attention' over the last few months than I've had in quite a long time. Problem is that the one who I lost the weight for has never even acknowledged it.
(((Puddle)))! Are u sure u don't know me? Funny how someone u have never met may intuitively know me better than someone I have lived with for 17 yrs.
I think I do know you. And I bet your W does, too, but my guess is she's intimidated by you (and so would I be) and is lashing out. I don't know, mind you, but that's my guess. What does she do, by the way, besides be Mrs. CVA? (not career, necessarily, if she doesn't have one, but how does she spend her time, and what did she do before having kids?)
Originally Posted By: CVA
If u talked to my W and explained to her the way I think, she would probably listen more to u than me. To her, I am just a ridiculous mess who has taken everything out on her and stifled / ruined her life.
She might listen more; she certainly isn't listening to you right now. How does she think you've stifled/ruined her life?
Originally Posted By: CVA
Frankly I have no idea why her comment got to me and told her so.
Really? No idea, huh? Let me guess: you're feeling like she's critical of everything you do in life, including the things you do for her and the kids, doesn't appreciate any of it, and now she's going to criticize your driving? Me thinks this had nothing to do with driving but everything to do with criticism/lack of appreciation in general.
Like last night, I asked H to tell me whether he'd be home for dinner and he didn't, and by the time he got home I was fit to be tied. I'd gone from, I don't know whether to include him in dinner plans to that inconsiderate SOB, not only am I not good enough to be married to, he doesn't even deign to let me know what his plans are, shows what I mean to him ....
Originally Posted By: CVA
Told him I don't know where this is going just wanted him to know I loved him but that mom not happy with me at all...W asked me tonight what S9 has said
What did you say?
Originally Posted By: CVA
My bed is now "deflating" in the middle of the night, this is sad.
Once you have your own bed and own house, you won't have to worry about that, at least!
CVA, I know what that feels like, feeling like everything you do is being unappreciated, and being criticized, when you do make a mistake is no picnic, either, but remember, you are both only human and if she is criticizing, she is at least taking mental notes of you, she is still interested in what you are doing, To me, (and this may just be my thinking now, with having no real contact with my W) any attention is good attention, it means they are still there in some way, shape or form. Remember, even people who have been together forever, still fight, occasionally.
I know it is hard but try to be happy when she criticizes you! Let her do it! try not to get so defensive, but stand your ground, if you feel you need to, then just agree to disagree. In short, man, don't let it get to you, you are better than that, now. Take care.
You are one wise cookie. Right on all pts. Therein I think lies the problem. W thinks she has no life now, 4th kid now in school full time and she is staring at her future not certain what she is going to do.
On S9 talk, I was so upset I said all the wrong things. Told him probably will not be coming home anytime soon and that mom not happpy with me at all. Had a long talk with him before bed and tried to help him understand what is going on and that daddy was wrong to unload all that stuff on him
W asked me what the "talk" was about while at putt putt. What she has to realize at this time is that my relationship with them is mine, not hers, at least not a shared one at the moment. Not trying to put them in the middle at all.
Bottom line is I was wrong.
Rain, I understand what you are saying and thanks for reminding me that "if the coach aint yellin at you, you're in trouble".
Hi Bar! How are u?
Steven, work out and stay fit my friend.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
cva, hmmm when did your almost accident happend? Sunday. On Saturday night, my w said almost the same things to me, my response was damn and I shut up, I zippered the mouth, hold the thoughts and went into Smoothie King and was greated by a college girl with a cute smile. Interesting!!! It changed my entire attitude but I didnt flirt since the W can see everything I do as to the car was parked right in front of the entrance.
Anyways, how's your DHW going?
cva, I want you to read my recent post, I will do so shortly but it has an intersting note as to the talk you had with S9. Our D is only 3.
See the W, Listen to the W, but dont Speak back to the W. Bridle your tongue...
You are one wise cookie. Right on all pts. Therein I think lies the problem. W thinks she has no life now, 4th kid now in school full time and she is staring at her future not certain what she is going to do.
CVA... definitely have some similar threads in our S's. I know my W's current dilema is centered around her life with the kids. When they were in school during the spring her problem was that she had nothing to do all day, said she was lonely. This summer she was overwhelmed because they were out of school and dragging her in 20 different directions daily. There has to be a magic bullet for these situations...
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
On S9 talk, I was so upset I said all the wrong things. Told him probably will not be coming home anytime soon and that mom not happpy with me at all. Had a long talk with him before bed and tried to help him understand what is going on and that daddy was wrong to unload all that stuff on him
W asked me what the "talk" was about while at putt putt. What she has to realize at this time is that my relationship with them is mine, not hers, at least not a shared one at the moment. Not trying to put them in the middle at all.
Bottom line is I was wrong.
I have been there before, I used to talk to the kids a lot about the sitch, learned that this isn't good, so now I just let them open up to me, and when they do, I try to do more listening than talking.
So CVA, I think you handled that right, you saw what you had done, as far as unloading on your son, as being wrong, then tried your best to right it. That is the true measure of a real man, knowing and willing to admit when he's made a mistake, and doing everything in his power to make up for it. Good for you!
I also agree with your stand on your R with the kids, that is yours and theirs to share, just like your W's R with them is hers. I want you to know that, from reading your post, I feel that are doing a great job being a father to them in this horrible time, I can tell, you are there for them as much as you possibly can be, and that is what counts. Take care.
