Just wondering if maybe some of Corri’s thoughts to CAC on thinking in terms of “what is” versus “what isn’t” could help your search. This particular statement seemed rather odd to me:
Part of the reason I am not attracted to WASP types is that generally they are not attracted to me.
With your understanding of differentiation, self validation, etc, why would you give someone else the power to determine what you like? Your statement seems to put you into a self fulfilling prophecy mode. Can I assume that you actually might like WASP types, but have built a wall against them because you were rejected by a WASP at some time? So now you react as if touching a hot stove, without testing whether the stove is even turned on or not. In other words, putting out the vibe that a WASP is going to reject you might be the factor that causes him to reject you.
It probably makes more sense if I tell you that to get to his house I had to drive through some really rough parts of Detroit and when I got there we'd quite possible be having sex within about 10 minutes. It was all kind of surreal.)
Here’s another example of the same mind process, IMO. You obviously have created some sort of fantasy image of your NG, being semi-famous in his field, whatever that means. As long as you can maintain that image, he is attractive to you. Once the image is shattered, he is not. Nothing changed with him. The only thing that changed was the gap between your fantasy and reality.
Again, as with the WASP example, you are letting some “outside” factor influence your attraction, then trying to understand what it is that you need in a man. The problem as I see it is not anything having to do with the “outside.” The problem is that you allow an “outside” factor to exist in the first place. There is no “factor.” There is only you and the other person, not some zoo animal (or Noah’s Ark of animals) and the other person.
What I am saying is that you decide what you want, as Corri is telling CAC and stop letting others determine that for you. That means you have to know yourself, accept that, and don’t let the fantasies convince your otherwise. Keep your wants and wishes grounded in reality, for fantasies are just another form of defense. Maybe toss out all those romance novels too.
