WAW1978-Part 4

[waw1978]

Journaling:

Friday went to pals 30th B Day party. Went well. Everyone was asking about H made things a little uncomfortable but I just bit my toungue and didn't say much.

Sat AM we had the MC sesh. H arrived before me and had a 1 on 1 with the MC. No idea what they talked about. we talked about H wanting to separate now as well and how he didn't think he could turn things around. I cried on and off. I can't force myself to feel things that just aren't there. Again discussion of how the house I am paying for is now "his" and he will do what he pleases with it. He has totally redecorated the place and packed up anything that we had worked on together. he was a bit nasty and told me I better get used to it. Also that he didn't care if I stopped paying for the house cause both of our credit scores would be ruined and he had nothing left (no family, no wife, no marriage) so it didn't matter to him if he lost everything.

The MC suggested we go back in another 2 weeks and at least try to get to a more amicable point so mediation would be a possiblity.

H left on a business trip, I tried to reach out and give him a hug. he wasn't interested. Finally one last try before he left and he gave me a half hug.

I will tell you all...he has just turned off to any chance of reconcilliation at this point.

Oh well. I went out for some retail therapy and checked out these flat screen TV's all the boys have been talking about but decided to get some real furniture (bub bye IKEA) since it seems like my sitch will be ongoing.

Neither one of us is wearing bands and he is talking about dating. I also found out the one his night with D4 he left her with a sitter overnight to go out and do his thang...This kills me. He has accused me of being a bad parent but since this started I have never left her with a sitter so I could go out and mingle. Not sure how I feel about this. I know I have no control over him or his behaviors but I guess I am pissed because if it was me he would be crucifying for leaving her on " my time". Yes at 4 they tell you EVERYTHING. Big on tattling...even on Mommy and Daddy.

So I think I have been flipped over. I think I am the one trying to save things and he has just given up.