This also posted under "Newcomers"

[saffie]

Just picturing her with someone else breaks my soul and my spirit.

So stop picturing it. Whenever that thought enters your head IMMEDIATELY think of a big red stop sign and think of something else. Your children, a bright sunny morning, the thought of holding your W and ML with her in the future.

At the moment you are giving up and doing yourself no favours. You are wallowing in your guilt and the past. This will achieve nothing apart from driving your wife away.

I have been where you are. I am not being heartless. I am trying to help you. It does hurt. It really sucks.If you want to change it you have to start with yourself first. Thoughts about ending yourself do no good what so ever - I am living breathing proof of that. I caused so much pain to my parents and my children.

Please get a grip. GO SEE A THERAPIST AND A PSYCHIATRIST. GET YOURSELF ON SOME MEDICATION TO HELP BALANCE YOU OUT. YOU CAN GET DRUGS THAT WILL COUNTERACT THE IMMEDIATE PANIC ATTACKS YOU ARE GETTING WHILST THE LONGER ACTING DRUGS ARE COMING INTO EFFECT.

YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP

Saffie