When to move back in together?

[the girl]

I went to church today and repented before God that I had indulged in murder in my heart towards the OW, and I asked for God to bless her and transform her life. If she was transformed by the grace of God, then I know she would be out of our lives. But first she would come to me in tears asking for forgiveness...

Anyway, I am trying to keep a clear conscience. I have never, ever struggled with hatred and loathing for someone like I do the OW. She has stolen so much from me, I can't let her have my heart.

Today when I saw my H, he was visibly in pain from tensing his neck muscles so much. He isn't talking about the job sitch, and I am not digging for answers as to what he is doing. Instead, I wrote him a brief email: "I am so sorry about your job. I know you are going to work it out. I believe in you. I am for you. Let me know when you want a massage".

He replied: "I know it will be OK, too. I see this as part of the larger picture of our reconciliation".

Hmm. Interesting. When he took the job a year ago, he began to remove himself as far and fast from me. He started taking on an image of a person he isn't. Including the OW, who is nothing like him in tastes or interests. It is like God is allowing him to be humbled; his whole image is crashing in around him.

Thank God. May the man be humbled! My sweetest fantasy: seeing my husband weeping on the floor, begging God for forgiveness and grace.

Because we know our God gives it so lavishly. Right?

This next stage is like clearing a path through a dense jungle. I swear it looks impassible, directionless, overwhelming, sticky...But I have no choice but to swing my machete and move on.

I sent my resume in for a part time job that looks wonderful to me. It would put me on a path towards a teaching career. It took a lot of courage. I have not had full time employment for about 8 years.

I am wondering, how do you regain respect for your husband? How do you go back to thinking highly of him again?

The Girl