LOL- Hmmm...I would say that it was more like he never quite picked me up although he teetered right on the brink. However, I would say that he might have had some pretty good reasons which I do not wish to discuss because I am cutting myself some slack due to being in rebound/recovery from 19 year SSM. Plus, you have to remember that he is semi-famous in a very sexy field. What if you and Mrs.Cac split and you found yourself dating a semi-super-model? What if she kept casually saying things to you like "When I did the layout for Vanity Fair with Elle in Tahiti..." What if she told you that you were great in bed? I am actually rather proud of myself that I was able to maintain any level of differentiation in relation to him given my SSM induced neediness for sexual validation combined with the 7th grade groupie ego-gratification I tried very hard not to derive from dating him.
One way to look at is that in a best case high-functioning scenario that kind of guy and I would be a wonderful couple but in a worst case lower-functioning scenario that kind of guy and I are pretty close to being Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski. Since I KNOW that I erred on the side of acting like Monica Monkey, I give him credit for good judgment for not letting me turn him into my crack dealer. ( Okay, this analogy isn't the greatest because there was no adultery or Hilary and I should make it clear that "crack" = dopamine-induced-just-sex. It probably makes more sense if I tell you that to get to his house I had to drive through some really rough parts of Detroit and when I got there we'd quite possible be having sex within about 10 minutes. It was all kind of surreal.)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You are way more philosophically deep, and much more humorous, than I would ever imagine a programmer to be. Except, most programmers I've met, who I actually get to open up and talk to me, are anything but shallow and cave man like.
Perhaps thats because I'm not a "programmer". (now, don't get too alarmed...I'm not being hung up on what I am NOT ). I am a network engineer...which is really only an "engineer" in the traditional sense: one who operates a complicated engine. like an old-fashioned train engineer...or a modern-day pilot. Very applied, practical stuff, where the knowledge required to do the job is very broad, but not neccessarily very "deep". One has to understand the basic workings of many very different systems, and how they interact to bring about a desired result. (or, probably more often, figure out quickly what it is that is impeding the smooth operation of the system). In the courses I took to become qualified for this career, there were quite a few "programmers" (computer science majors, who, at that time, primarily studied programming languages). they were as lost or more so than those of us from other backgrounds. You know how some pure scientists are so brilliant, they can invent the most fabulous stuff...but they have trouble balancing a checkbook, or tying their shoelaces? Mine is a more pragmatic type of brain power, although some types of thinking are probably common to both programmers and net. engineers, they're different animals.
Oh, jesus christ... I know what you are... I happen to lump you all together in the 'programmer' pile. Though, were ANYONE to call me a HTML programmer... and lump me in with THEM.. I'd dicker over it as well. Not my point.
Whatever the NAME of it.. the process of it... is the same. You concentrate deeply. Now, get off my case and stop fcking dicerking with me, and reread my post to you, with proper framework applied.
Jesus. Try to give a man a compliment and take it somewhere, and he gets all caught up in the nitty-griity.
Now... as for what you ARE NOT. My point on that is... what if I said to you: "Cac. I LOVE your music. I'm a mucsian myself. But I am NOT a trumpet player."
That's it. Nothing more from me. So you say to me... "Oh. You like music. And you are not a trumpet player. So... what instrument do you play?"
Well. I don't play the trumpet. And I don't play the flute."
You: Okaaaayyyy... not what I asked.... "you don't play the trumpet. You don't play the flute. What do you play?"
Me: Well. I don't play the sax.
See how this gets kind of cumbersome? I keep telling you what I DON'T DO. That's not really helping you...
OWN what you DO do. Now. You are a very literal guy, and you probably won't equate this to a compassion statement: "I feel your pain. I will help YOU with YOUR pain. I will not be a victim of your pain." But... see if you can stretch that mind of yours a bit, and maybe see where me saying... 'well, I'm not a trumpet player, and I'm not a flute player, equates with the 'I won't be a victim of your pain' sentence.
Okay. Your not a victim of my pain. Your not a trumpet player. Your not a flute player... (you can see where this whole flippin' endless loop would end if I would just say what the hell I AM.) Which you have NOT told Mrs. Cac... you just keep telling her what you are NOT...
What if you and Mrs.Cac split and you found yourself dating a semi-super-model? What if she kept casually saying things to you like "When I did the layout for Vanity Fair with Elle in Tahiti..." What if she told you that you were great in bed?
Ok...I just spit my drink all over the screen. That IS um...really hard to imagine.
...that kind of guy and I are pretty close to being Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski.
Oh, jesus christ... I know what you are... I happen to lump you all together in the 'programmer' pile. ok, ok...I wasn't quite sure what you were getting at. (as usual). I imagine "programmers" being uber-focused on really narrow stuff for days on end, while I tend to have alot of balls in the air all the time, doing a lot of juggling. But yeah, I spend all day thinnking about complicated sh!t. ok, fine.
Okay. Your not a victim of my pain. Your not a trumpet player. Your not a flute player... (you can see where this whole flippin' endless loop would end if I would just say what the hell I AM.) Which you have NOT told Mrs. Cac... you just keep telling her what you are NOT...
I tell you I'm a muscian. I tell you I am NOT a flute player. I keep giving you and endless list of all the instruments I don't play... does that help you in understanding what it is I do play? Kinda, sorta... cuz you know what I am NOT... but in terms of knowing what I am... we're still playing a guessing game. Yes?
Simple answer of yes or no will suffice for now. I don't want to hurt your head and ask you to run down the road of understanding...
And what the hell? The minute I tell the world I am NOT a freelance web designer anymore... everyone and their brother comes out of the woodwork to ask me if I will do their sites...
And by the way... you can't figure out your bug problem with your password thingy... because you keep asking the wrong question. Or at least, you are putting emphasis to the question in the wrong place... you keep asking... why will it only authentic 'a?'
I would ask... why does it only want to authenticate a. What is it that I am telling it... through my code... that will only authenticate 'a?' Why NOT b? Why NOT c? Because... somewhere in my code, I am telling it... I will only accept a. I AM a. You are not allowing it to BE anything else. Why?
I thought that Cac really was a musician therefore I assumed that the reason he doesn't want to talk about his job is that it is just a job and not his purpose. Maybe if he played flute in some sort of ensemble on a regular basis that would be something he would feel like talking about. So maybe if the purpose of his job which is not his purpose is to support his family it would make more sense for Cac and MrsCac to have conversations about their shared value of family rather than something for which neither of them have a great passion.
Also, unless I'm remembering wrong, MrsCac is a musician too. So why don't they do musical things together as a family? Like they could train the kids and then they could be like the Von Trapps or The Partridge Family or something like that.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Just wondering if maybe some of Corri’s thoughts to CAC on thinking in terms of “what is” versus “what isn’t” could help your search. This particular statement seemed rather odd to me:
Part of the reason I am not attracted to WASP types is that generally they are not attracted to me.
With your understanding of differentiation, self validation, etc, why would you give someone else the power to determine what you like? Your statement seems to put you into a self fulfilling prophecy mode. Can I assume that you actually might like WASP types, but have built a wall against them because you were rejected by a WASP at some time? So now you react as if touching a hot stove, without testing whether the stove is even turned on or not. In other words, putting out the vibe that a WASP is going to reject you might be the factor that causes him to reject you.
It probably makes more sense if I tell you that to get to his house I had to drive through some really rough parts of Detroit and when I got there we'd quite possible be having sex within about 10 minutes. It was all kind of surreal.)
Here’s another example of the same mind process, IMO. You obviously have created some sort of fantasy image of your NG, being semi-famous in his field, whatever that means. As long as you can maintain that image, he is attractive to you. Once the image is shattered, he is not. Nothing changed with him. The only thing that changed was the gap between your fantasy and reality.
Again, as with the WASP example, you are letting some “outside” factor influence your attraction, then trying to understand what it is that you need in a man. The problem as I see it is not anything having to do with the “outside.” The problem is that you allow an “outside” factor to exist in the first place. There is no “factor.” There is only you and the other person, not some zoo animal (or Noah’s Ark of animals) and the other person.
What I am saying is that you decide what you want, as Corri is telling CAC and stop letting others determine that for you. That means you have to know yourself, accept that, and don’t let the fantasies convince your otherwise. Keep your wants and wishes grounded in reality, for fantasies are just another form of defense. Maybe toss out all those romance novels too.
). I am a network engineer...which is really only an "engineer" in the traditional sense: one who operates a complicated engine. like an old-fashioned train engineer...or a modern-day pilot. Very applied, practical stuff, where the knowledge required to do the job is very broad, but not neccessarily very "deep". One has to understand the basic workings of many very different systems, and how they interact to bring about a desired result. (or, probably more often, figure out quickly what it is that is impeding the smooth operation of the system). 
That IS um...really hard to imagine.