Thanks Hope.. I'm not sure what to do differently that I haven't already done. But, the deep sharing of myself is a 180. Maybe, after his initial shock, H will be supportive of me. I don't know.. could go either way. He's downright miserable right now. He says he doesn't know whether to stay or go. The guilt and shame of what he has done is destroying him and yet he won't stop contact w/ow. But, like you said.. SOMETHING has to change or I might go crzy!!!
It seems like your situation and mine are similar.
Your husband will continue this because there are no consequences for his actions. You open up, share, tell him you love him, but, golly he still wants the OW, too.
I emailed you my thoughts.
He doesn't think he'll lose you -- you'll always be there.
Hope pointed out that something has got to change.
Again I think this might be the drill.
1. Continue GAL.
2. No sex with him as long as OW is in picture.
3. Tell him, "You know I love you and want us to be happy and connected, I don't think this is going to happen while you are still with OW. Since you are not ending all contact with her, from this point forward I'm not investing in our relationship anymore. I'm not pursuing you. I'm not going to engage you emotionally. I'm done trying. I'm letting you go. I need to move on with my life, with or without you. The clock is ticking.
4. Set up a schedule for childcare that gives you at least 2 nights out a week. You use every night to go out for yourself.
5. Start making plans with for you and your daughter, without your husband.
6. Try this for 1-2 months. It's going dark while he's at home. Let him taste your absence.
7. AT the end of 1-2 months if he's still with OW. Write him a letter with an ultimatum. He ends it with OW or you divorce him. Give him 1 week to answer.
8. If he refuses to choose, file for divorce. The filing may change his mind. It may not.
9. If he's OK with the divorce -- time to stop keeping his dirty little secret. Tell your church, his family, your family.
Well said Theo. I knew you would have great advice. I agree completely...Olive, you need to stop being there for him emotionally, otherwise, he will never change and you will continue to live on this rollercoaster ride from hell. You already stated that you CANNOT live like that...so it's time to put the plan into action.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
That will be pretty scary for her Theo. I don't know how long it is since she worked to any great extent outside the home but I know for me it is a daunting prospect - and thats with the support of my H.
I have ordered the books you recommended and am awaiting their arrival. Two of then I had to order from the States - $25 in postage alone!!!!!
Did you get my email about the childrens' Christmas book? If so had you heard of it - it really is magical.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
