I wanted to respond to you but didn't know what to say. I feel your pain in your post and im sorry for that. Affairs can last a long time or maybe not. My H didn't have an actual affair but some other issues..
SO I don't know what advice I can give other than to say keeping posting and journaling, it will help you get things out. There are a lot of good people on this board that may have some better advice than I could give. Continue to gal.... get your mind off things.
Take care.
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.