Cold Diff. cont.

[MJontheMend]

I tried to give this analogy to Raven. I know enough in my every day life to know when I am having a bad day or bad week. For whatever reason I can have a day where I wake up and nothing feels right. Intellectually I KNOW this is not reality. How could I feel fine one day and feel fat or ugly the next? Obviously this is NOT reality but feelings. SOOOO in my analogy I told Raven that I have now learned enough to know that I will NEVER get my hair cut on a day when I feel badly about my hair. Men may not get this but I think women will understand. The problem is that the hair stylist will only be able to understand that you HATE how your hair is looking and will react to that negativity. The problem is that you may not REALLY hate your hair AND also in your negative mood you will not be able to give your stylist the best POSITIVE information about what you want because you are only focused on what you don't want.

This is exactly why I said that my experience thus far in my dating career has been that the men that I date give me exactly the validation that I give myself. This can be true even in an instance in which I am rejected. If I am largely self-validating in such a situation what I will hear the guy communicate is something like "you are not my type" or "close but no cigar" and instead of feeling disheartened my reaction is to be philosophical or even oddly encouraged. Kind of like if you aren't sure if you like your hair but you don't know exactly why but you keep going to different hairdressers and each one gives you a clue as to how you might improve the condition or style of your hair and you get increasingly positive feedback as you work on both your hair and finding the kind of hairdresser that best knows how to deal with it and with whom you can best communicate your desired appearance. After all, it's very validating for a hairdresser to have a well-pleased customer too, especially if you are a generous tipper - lol.