Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Don't fight about the $50. But in future he does not get to use YOUR support money for his own purposes. If you ask him to buy something ON YOUR BEHALF, then reimburse him. Otherwise, he doesn't get to buy things and then take the money he spent out of what he owes you.
Finally, this is the last time I will say this. Period. So I hope you listen.
Stick to business. Stick to email. Stop the phone calls.
BFFs mother's funeral is not business. Business only. And, stick to email. NO, you do not have to keep calling H several times a day regarding mundane matters. If it is urgent, send a text message. But, most of this stuff is not urgent. Make calling him the LAST THING you WILL CONSIDER in each and every case that contact is required. If contact is not required, then do not consider communication via any means.
As for your actions, I largely agree with Sara. Mostly your actions just don't matter right now, except that they are making him more comfortable with his choice to leave. In the long run, the best thing that can happen for you regardless of your M, and the best thing that can happen for your R with H, whatever it turns into, is for you to leave him ALONE. Focus on yourself. Let go of an M that does not exist. Get happy by yourself.
I went to the wake with another neighbor up the hill--very happy I didn't have to go alone. We had become as close to being family with their family as you can as friends, even going to their annual family reunions. It was emotional on many different levels, from my friend's pain, to identifying with her mom and my mom dying of the same infliction, to all the upheaval of my current sitch and it being the first time in that kind of public event as a single person. Signed the cards from just me and the kids. So many people there asked how I was doing after I expressed condolences. Strange how there is a custom to recognize the passing of someone into death, and the nothing after a split / divorce.
**** I have to learn how to text from my phone--I was only able to do it from the computer, but haven't figured how to do it from the phone (ok, I feel old).
The kids are home. I'm a happy mommy.
Oh, did I tell you that H wants to speak with my IC? He is not convinced that she is helping me much (if he only knew), and she is willing to see him. She said that she won't talk specifically about me, but she would talk about how to deal with the kids, etc. I am not going to bring it up again--he has her number. I'm just curious to see if it actually happens; not holding my breath.
Off to the before-bed routine. Hope you all made it a great weekend.
Yes, I feel old about texting so I will avoid it like the plague. You and I are the same age.
I am sorry for your friend's loss and she is lucky to have you at this time because you know what it is like.
You H's email was so business it was cold. It would send a chill to my heart to have an email sent to me that was that robotic and unfeeling. No jokes or heart at all. Awful. Not mean. Worse. Apathetic. You handled it well. Thank you for sharing. Itgives us a glimpse into the psyche of these folks who leave their families and get defensive.
Give him what he wants, my bro says, and they will only take half. It is psychology. People try to hang on to stuff they think they will lose then they realize, what is the fight for? I never really wanted this?
lastly, I read an article in the newspaper that said that helping others and doing good is the best medicine for depression or stress or anxiety. maybe by helping your Friend you will feel happier about all you have to offer and see how much strength you are giving others through your comfort.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
