Dreaming is Free.

[frank_D]

Lissie's comment about "real men" was not intended as a slight to guys on the board. She was commenting about DNQ's posting of his sex life and how "real men" don't kiss and tell the public.

Frank's comments are not meant to be judgmental to Lissie, and he is, in fact, offering up an olive branch. However, Frank, Lissie truly does not see herself as anyone more important than others on the board (even though she is a minor celebrity here \:\) ) and really doesn't understand why her words carry so much importance to those around here. And her "drop it" comment was a general, "let's let the issue die" comment, not a direct request to you to bury your feelings.

You are right on in most of your analysis, thank you for helping to clarify.

Let me clarify a few things also. First, I have no emotional response to any of the 'exchange' between Lissie, cire2, etc. None. When Lissie said

This, "Finally a real man thing" must of struck a cord with you, and I don't know really why yet, it was not said towards you at all.

Let me say 'no, it didn't. Not at all.' Because as Lissie says, it was NOT said to me at all. But it did trigger a response from some other people, which is why there was that heated 'exchange'.

I honestly and confused as to what is going on here. And you say you are not continuing it but you are.

This is the first time you post to me, and you are telling me to be impeccable with my word?

First, let me explain that I did not post _to_ you on DNQ's thread, which is where I posted the Four Agreements originally.

I titled my post "An Observation about the high emotions on this board." and I 'told' both sides of the exchange with the intention of just getting people to think about how we react to each other, and how easy it is to misinterpret each others words.

Unfortunately, your follow up post on DNQ's thread said that you did think it was some kind of message aimed at you. It wasn't. It was aimed at EVERYBODY, myself included.

Your back and forth with Cire2 etc, are just the most recent 'example' that made me remember how important it is to think about what I say before I post, and how I need to remember that, as a 'celebrity' poster, as Going Solo points out, people take our words to mean much more than we think they do. Even a casual joking comment can be misinterpreted.

I'm not here to discuss the 'Finally a Real Man' comment at all. It's irrelevant. What's relevant is that we are ALL here in a highly emotional place and it's good from time to time to think about how we are communicating.

My last post on _your_ thread was another attempt to explain this, but I seem to have not done a good job. I only added the observation about your reaction to the previous post because I am wondering if you are feeling attacked, when I tried very hard to not come off that way.

The inclusion of the Four Agreements wasn't meant to say 'you do not speak with integrity' at all. I just like them, and I included them as something to think about. For EVERYONE. That's it.

See how hard it is to write things that don't provoke defensive feelings on this board when everyone is already feeling hurt and defensive in their relationships? I'm trying my best right now and seemingly failing at it!

I am no one at all with any power. I am just a peep from this board, that is going thru a D. I have no power.
.....
Frank, you are right, I think that maybe i was very sensitive about this, b/c i don't see my POV as something that carried so much weight as you said.

Now I am going to feel like maybe , I can't say what I feel about something b/c of my "status" on this board.

Oh NO! You MUST continue to say what you feel because you have EXPERIENCE! And now you have AWARENESS of the weight your words carry. As do many people who find themselves in positions of 'leadership'.

You ARE a great person. I learn a lot from you, and it helps me to be a better person.

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread, DNQ's locked and I didn't want my commentary to continue to be misinterpreted. I will not post to your thread any more.