why don't I listen to my own stories?

[NikB]

Agent99 - sounds sooo familiar.

I'm glad he's not coming over unannounced - and if he does I think you should call him on it. It's your private life now, he owes you at least the courtesy of calling first. Unless he'd want you showing up unannounced at his place. Doesn't seem like where you are at, though.

I was driving home and basically thinking that it was ridiculous that I was waiting to see if I was going to be graced with his highness' presence

GOOD!!! You really need to get this drummed into your head. I know it's hard, and I even remember that moment when I 'got' this too. Takes longer to begin to act on it, though.

He KNOWS you are sitting there waiting for his presence. Probably enjoying the ego boost / power trip, too. He's got control over your life in this way.

and I had decided that if he didn't call by 5:30 (near the end of his work day) I was going to make plans. He called at 4:30 and said that he wasn't going to be going, so he was free tonight and tomorrow and did I 'want to go to a movie or something?' He just made it under the wire.

Suggestion for you - keep backing up this time line. 5:30 the same day is ridiculously short notice (as is 4:30). You're holding your entire weekend open "just in case" until the very last possible minute. He knows this... and ultimately it's going to cause you some resentment, too. Trust me. You'll start getting annoyed that he hasn't called to plan anything yet to "let" you plan something if you want to. It's hard to explain but it's a lot of pressure and expectations on him, and a loss of self-respect and self-worth for you. I hope that makes some sense.

I'd actually suggest backing up that time line by at LEAST a day, if not two or three. If that's too much... start with noon on Friday.. work your way up to Weds or Thurs. It's up to you if you tell him you're doing this or not, but I'd lean towards not telling him. Show him through action (not being available every moment in case he decides to grace you with his presence). I'm not saying play games - I'm saying TRULY get out and Get A Life!!! (hint, sitting around waiting for someone to decide at the last minute if you're worthy of their time is NOT a life). The reason I'd suggest not telling him a specific "deadline" is that it still gives him control over you. By not making it specific, YOU decide each day or week what your personal deadline is. And sometimes you might (and should) even plan stuff weeks or months away - so in those cases the "noon on Wednesday deadline" wouldn't apply.

Please stop putting your life on hold Agent99 - it's not attractive to him and it's not respectful at all to yourself. Trust me - been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and just got myself another one recently. (new goal: don't end up with an entire closet full of these damn shirts!)

I'm not sure if you follow Heimlich's thread in newcomers but it's worth reading the "puppy" analogy someone recently posted there.