any advice on dealing with friends and family

[Steel_Box]

I'm not sure but it seems that this would be the most appropriate place for the question. I have come across a situation from various members of family and our close friends and am not sure what the best way to handle it is. So, any advice is welcome

Our brief history is together 10+ married 7+ 2kids D6&S4. Having problems since Jan 06, Bomb dropped 4/29/07. PA Jan 07 to Jun07. D filed May 07. She called and asked to try to work on things, and has been making an effort since late July. We are working on things and she has been making an effort. I am hesitant and slow moving due to many obvious trust issues, but I do still have a spot in my heart for her. I don't know for sure yet if we will make it all the way back but I am willing to try and let her try as well.

The problem/issue that I have run into is from others who feel the need for some sort of reconcilliation as well. I don't know if I am explaining it well or not, but essentially it boils down to this. Close friends and family feel hurt and/or betrayed to some degree as well. I don't know how much of this is empathy to me or a real pain on their part. Obviously they were lied to as well, and a few of them were allowed in and helped me through the pain and emotions early on. So, they truly know how much this hurt, and now that we are working on things they can't necessarily see her efforts. We were always very good at keeping up appearances and it came as a surprise to a lot of people that we were even having problems. So now when they see W, or us together at something they see the same cheerful face. They see her "as if" persona and are troubled because she doesn't appear to have regrets or troubles.

A good example is that I was approached yesterday by a good friend of over 20 years who told me that his wife, and the wives of the others in our group are conflicted. W sees them and acts as if nothing is wrong and nothing has changed and this bothers them. I have had similar discussions with my sister and my old roommate that I leaned on through the tough times in the beginning. For lack of a better, the general feeling that I get is that everyone is looking to see remorse on her part.

While I undestand the need, especially for those that are very close to us,(family and the inner circle of friends), I tried to explain to them in different ways that even though I understood how they felt to some degree, they needed to understand that this is something WE were working on. I explained that she has been making an effort and that I am giving her the opportunity to come back. Obviously this is something that W would rather put behind her, and I don't know if any of them will ever get something from her that they are looking for.
Everyone has said that they are behind me and want it to work out, so I don't think it is something that would confront her about. But I feel somehow this needs to be resolved or it could eventually sour friendships as well.

I know that everything is still on very shaky ground. I wouldn't even say that we are piecing yet. But undue pressure from outside will not help for sure.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions on how to handle.