It is just that when we get stuck in this same bad communication cycle, I seem to spin right out of control.
That is exactly what I saw. It was the predicate for the words I was posting. If anything, I was telling you to get out of it. But it goes deeper than the communication. It does affect the way you see yourself. To be honest, I was "puzzled" buy the difference in your confidence from my thread to this thread. When you think of your H and the stuff surrounding it, as you said, you spin. All I am saying is stop spinning. When you spin, your h sees it and sees it as needy. Then he sees it as selfish. And what I mean by needy is selfish is that when someone is needy they are expecting someone to take care of their needs. Remember I was saying what your H is seeing. Personally, I say f*** your H. (I don;t mean this in a bad way, I mean it like trying to remember the combination of a masterlock you just found, but realizing it is easier to just go get a new one.) He is the one who keeps pulling you back in and you fall in. And then he sees a side he doesn't like. You are the one who needs to change that dance.
So to answer your questions.
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Does it mean not coming here and trying to figure things out?
It seems to me that you have been doing that without success. Do a 180.
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Does it mean not taking responsibility for what I feel I have done wrong?
Seems to me from reading your posts (a sampling from your first post), you have already done that. No need to keep doing it.
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Does it mean not allowing myself to feel badly over the things I have done wrong?
Again, you have done that. No need to keep doing it.
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I wanted to dissect it so I could avoid doing things like it again.
Again, I see you know. Don't think so much. Sometimes, you just have to put things to the side and let the answers come. Some of my best thoughts and actions came from not thinking. And also, some of the things I thought were wrong, really were not. The more I tried to figure out, the more I drove myself nuts.
So, Pam, I never intended to be harsh or to add insult to injury. All I tried to say was f*** it. What you have been doing in regards to your H for 4 years hasn't worked, so just stop doing it. You will feel better. And then, you can really see where things will go.
