I Need Help! Please!!! Sorry Really Long...

[theotherhalf]

Thanks 21 and yes I got DR this last week. I read it right away. It just confirms all that I've learned by reading on these web sights. I am really trying to work on all that it tells you to do. I just don't know if it what I am doing will work for my H.

Put yourself first. Your feelings matter. And be honest with yourself. Why do YOU think you are feeling like you are fooling yourself? I bet you have some of your own answers, and you can change that. You can change how you feel.

I feel like I might be fooling myself into believing that my H could still love me or that he can think of 1 reason why he would ever want to R with me. I fear that I might be fooling myself thinking that this man will ever be able to say "I'm sorry, I screwed up" and come home.

From farm girl turned city dweller

I really don't know if I want to stay on this farm alone. But yet I really do not want to move to town. I am so confused on this issue.

I gave him support when he gave me none...

I've wondered about this. This man is my best friend, I really want to support him through this terrible ordeal. I feel the pain he is in by just looking at him and listening to his voice. Although I am so angry and hurt for all that he has done and doing I still feel so sorry for him. How do you support them lovingly while detaching from them?

About being unavailabel most of the time. And showing him that I am having a life without him.

I think that I am doing this. It's just that I am naturally a home body. I don't have any single friends to hang out with. I don't want to leave the girls home all the time. And really not much to do alone around here. So I am home alot.

Don't think this is harsh, but by asking him the second time, you are basically telling him that you don't respect his answer. At this time, he doesn't seem interested to do this so why pressure him. It could be confirming in his mind why he left in the first place.

Yes I know that you are right about this. I have kicked myself for this a hundred times. It was just a night of letting my emotions and wants get the best of my common sense.

While it feels like he hates you, perhaps he just hates himself for what is going on. You can't know and would probably do better for your emotional health and goal to reconcile your marriage to not try to mind read or interpret his actions. Can you let him be and just work on you and DB?

Very, very hard to do...

Forget about the other woman. The more you focus there the more crazy you will make yourself. This isn't about her.

True but also so very, very hard to do...

Your job is to make yourself so attractive, from an emotional and relationship standpoint that he eventually will stop to think about what he is doing.

I have read this but I really don't know how to go about doing this.

Thanks for the insight

Time will tell...