I think you need to know if your WAS, is in MLC or not. In reading many of these stories here, I am of the Opinion that many are not dealing with MLC, but a WAS.
What is the difference? I have been looking for this answer for quite some time and still don't understand the difference....
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I certainly think many things are definate MLC tendencies. OP, Youthfull actions, changes in what was everyday routine and thought. Something triggers these changes within a person, you just don;t wake up one morning and start acting completely different. Another thing that I think makes up an MLC personnality is the fact that the MLCer will typically not just leave and not look back, many will keep a tight reign on the spouse that is left until they feel completely safe in plunging into the tunnel. Once there in deep do you see a lot of the meaness, uncaring, and unfeeling. I don't think you see it right off the bat. Once the MLCer initally leaves they will do all the convincing of how you don't need them, how this isn't so bad, etc. Once they are in full blown replay, they really start the disconection, spewing, things of that nature.
From the many kind people who have posted on my threads, they have all indicated that my H is in a MLC, but he doesn't fit a lot of what you posted, braveheart. Maybe he is at the beginning and a lot of this will come, but....
While I do think there is an OW, I don't see him doing the youthful actions - in fact, he has stopped working out, to the best of my knowledge. While there are certainly changes in his everyday thought, I think that the changes in his everyday routine are a result from moving out and now being "single". I can think of no triggering event, and he does not keep a tight rein on me - he hasn't looked back - at least to the best of my knowledge. He couldn't get out of here fast enough. Finally - there has been no meaness - certainly uncaring and unfeeling (how do you just up and leave) that indicates uncaring and unfeeling to me, but no spewing, anger or meaness.
So if this isn't MLC and just WAS, whatever the difference is....what do I do differently, or the same? WAS is a little more frightening to me. I guess if it is MLC, I feel like there is an excuse for his behavior. If it is not, then how do I explain it?
As I reread this, I feel like I may sound like I am challenging you and that is not my intent. I have wondered the difference for some time now, and have wondered about my situation because, while it seems similar to some here, the lack of spewing, the lack of any contact even if to try and get to me, have had me wondering if this is a MLC.
