Hi theotherhalf,

I'm sorry you are hurting so much. It can and will get better.

I skimmed through some of your other posts, and I didn't find any saying that you do have the book Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting. It will be so helpful. I suggest you pick up a copy if you haven't already. I like DR myself. Also, try to just post in one place, on one thread... that may help with responses.

No, it doesn't sound pathetic. So, stop with that. ;\) Be kind to yourself, okay? That is your new job. \:\) Taking care of #1. Love yourself... keeping in mind love is an action, not just a feeling. Don't require so much of yourself in order to feel good.

This is going to be hard work, but if you do it the results will be so very rewarding. You can learn to accept things for what they are. And to take action on those things you do have some control over. The sooner you get this, the better off you will be. In DR, Michele teaches us how to set goals after getting clear about what exactly we want. This is very important, because your life feels out of control right now. You deserve to have a sense of direction, and know that you have choices... including some control in your life, and some influence on your sitch.

Quote:
Awhile after H moved out I stopped all the above. I tried putting my life back together at least half of it. I've been taking better care of myself and my girls. I am going out and enjoying myself. Keeping the house better. Joined a gym, started reading, going to work everyday.
GOOD for you!!!!

You really do have control over how you feel inside. Maybe you just need to start allowing yourself to feel good. It takes practice to learn. A PMA (positive mental attitude) will be yours for the taking though, if you work at it. It's challenging while you're living through this. Make sure you are eating well to feed your brain. Work on building yourself back up. These sitches really take a hit on the self esteem. Be proud of yourself for what you are doing here. This is tough stuff.

You're doing a good job, with acting as if you are happy around your H and not bringing up R talk. And you're right, what works for some isn't what works for others. Maybe your H could use some attention from you, but the key is to not be trying too hard or smothering him. I would suggest not doing a whole lot for him right now, but just treating him as you would a friend. It's usually not a good idea to be more into them than they are you. Be confident with yourself, and give him little bits of positive attention. Don't be going way out of your way. Keep working on detachment... learning what it really is to be lovingly detached. Here's a link for you if you haven't came across it somewhere already...
coping.org's detachment

I hate to bring this up, but if you are going to have sex with him I really hope you are protecting yourself. That is your uterus. Respect yourself, no matter what you choose to do.

Put yourself first. Your feelings matter. And be honest with yourself. Why do YOU think you are feeling like you are fooling yourself? I bet you have some of your own answers, and you can change that. You can change how you feel.

Hugs and love, f21

Hang in there. \:\) From a fellow farm girl turned city dweller.

Me: 37
M: 14 yrs
Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07
Life is good.