I think I hated the lies more than anything. When H thought I was open to a R with him, he took advantage of my trust. It was easy to lie and manipulate the situation to his advantage. After I filed for divorce and H felt the pressure, the communication shut down between H and me. He could no longer con me into believing his lies so he turned hostile.
I definitely will not miss all the drama and chaos that is part of H's life now.
I had a good long cry today and am feeling better. This is the time when friends (both on the board and off) are so crucial. You guys helped me a lot today. Nobody can offer support like someone who's in the same boat (or been there/done that).
Glad to see you are doing so well. It has been great to watch you grow into the proud, confident woman you are today. I wish you all the best in the world.
IMP
PS to all - if you want to know where a wayward spouse stands, ask a lawyer.
I'm back again, folks .. much sooner than I expected.
Less than one week since our divorce and H is already calling.
He called several times yesterday, all the way up until 7 PM. I had been out all day but his calls showed up on Caller ID. I decided to not return his calls last night.
So this afternoon he called again. I picked up. He actually sounded like my old H again. He was friendly. He asked about the kids. He wanted to know again how badly he had hurt them. He said I would never know how badly he felt and it tore him up inside every day. He said he never meant to hurt them and he loved them with all his heart. He said he felt a lot of remorse over what he did. We ended the call on a friendly note, something we haven't done in six months.
Ten minutes later he called again. He said, "Val, there's something else I want to tell you." He said, "I want you to know that I love you, I always have and always will. I'm not trying to stop the divorce or get back together, but I needed to tell you how I felt."
Then he said, "I don't know what I have been going through for the past two years. I can't explain it. I haven't been myself, but I know this doesn't make much sense to you."
Well, thanks to this board, I understand it far better than he ever could imagine. But I didn't say anything. I didn't ask about the OW. I didn't say I loved him. I didn't say I forgave him because I don't and he doesn't want to hear it anyway.
I think I will be hearing from H more often. I have a lot of hurt and anger to work through, so I'm not sure how I feel about him right now. I have to say, though, that it was nice to talk to a rational H again.
Val, thanks for your post ! I am very happy for you ! I believe that God hears our prayers ! I hope that one day you will be able to restore your marriage !
Thank you for showing us all that HOPE is THERE !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
My H tried to "hit bottom" several times, especially in January and February of this year. I thought he was finally waking up, but they were just moments of clarity. He also told me in February that he thought we needed to get this divorce so that we could start all over with a clean slate.
I don't know if he's waking up now or not, but his comment about "what he has been going through for the past two years" makes me think that it's possible.
Valeria - is there something in the water or stars? Have you read Hopefloats latest thread and Truelove. These guys that seemed off their heads suddenly seem saner - I do know what you mean about a saner h. My h's occasional moments of sanity mean that you can actually talk to him like a human being instead of using defendable ALien code - by which I mean saying things in such a way that they cannot be twisted and used against you later. Lord I sound paranoid.
Sometimes I think dealing with MLC does your head in!
You cannot help wondering why they take so long to wake up. It really is like Rip van Winkel - everyone else has moved on with their lives.
Val - we are at such different stages in dealing with this....thing.
While I don't know your whole situation, I am sure it is so similar to so many here. Sigh. Including my own....-you seem to be nearing the end and I am at the beginning.
I was just speechless when I read that he called and what he said after the D was final. How incredibly sad....for everyone involved...
I kept waiting for the "spew" but it didn't happen today. It's sad when you automatically steel yourself for the worst.
In our conversation, H talked about the phone call he made to our son the other night. Neither of us mentioned H's meltdown. I did tell him, though, that son was glad to hear remorse at long last because he thought that H didn't have a conscience anymore.
I hope that H thinks about this and realizes that he's more of a man in our eyes if he can show a little humility and remorse. It's the first step to healing our family.
