I'm back again, folks .. much sooner than I expected.
Less than one week since our divorce and H is already calling.
He called several times yesterday, all the way up until 7 PM. I had been out all day but his calls showed up on Caller ID. I decided to not return his calls last night.
So this afternoon he called again. I picked up. He actually sounded like my old H again. He was friendly. He asked about the kids. He wanted to know again how badly he had hurt them. He said I would never know how badly he felt and it tore him up inside every day. He said he never meant to hurt them and he loved them with all his heart. He said he felt a lot of remorse over what he did. We ended the call on a friendly note, something we haven't done in six months.
Ten minutes later he called again. He said, "Val, there's something else I want to tell you." He said, "I want you to know that I love you, I always have and always will. I'm not trying to stop the divorce or get back together, but I needed to tell you how I felt."
Then he said, "I don't know what I have been going through for the past two years. I can't explain it. I haven't been myself, but I know this doesn't make much sense to you."
Well, thanks to this board, I understand it far better than he ever could imagine. But I didn't say anything. I didn't ask about the OW. I didn't say I loved him. I didn't say I forgave him because I don't and he doesn't want to hear it anyway.
I think I will be hearing from H more often. I have a lot of hurt and anger to work through, so I'm not sure how I feel about him right now. I have to say, though, that it was nice to talk to a rational H again.
