I was only addressing the issue of happiness. IMHO you want a guy who is happy BEFORE he meets you and you meet him. NOT a guy who has a gaping hole inside (as I believe 4's tend to) and is looking for you to fill it.
I totally agree. One of my dating books said that the main thing a woman should look for in a man is that he has more pleasure than pain in his life. I think high functioning 4s are as likely as anyone to achieve that state. They just need to be taking positive action towards creative expression and activism.
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I believe that's what Mr. Mojo did: he put you in charge (and you accepted the task, as is perfectly natural when you care about someone, as misguided as it may be) of fixing his world so he could be happy. Thus the notes on the coffee pot, etc. I think you want a guy who will either not be bothered by the state of the coffee pot, or else is perfectly willing to fix it himself without defining its need for fixing as some way that you have let him down.
There were layers of conflict beneath the tension over the coffee pot notes. Mr. Mojo felt like if he was going to work at a job that he hated he at least deserved a decent cup of coffee in the morning and it was my job to make that possible because I was "making" him work at a job he hated because I was enforcing a boundary concerning his role in providing financial support for our family. The odd thing is I actually still respect him enough that I really wonder how he can possibly respect himself now that he isn't even paying child support. It makes me feel like my marriage was a total farce if we didn't even truly share the value of parental responsibility. Like he was just a cardboard cutout in the shape of "Dad" or "father of my children" that functioned as window dressing and really I was a single mother with an ill-mannered boarder who helped pay the bills.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
