I picked up our sons yesterday as usual for my weekend custody. The W had some mail for me, including some of my bills/statements she went ahead and opened, again (If she's going to make it a habit to be so nosy, then I have got to get the addresses changed!)
She had a check made out to me from her new personal account. I had mentioned to her previously that her mother, the MIL, should now pay rent for staying in our home. So this was a check for 500 dollars to pay me half of the rental (part of this is to help cover the cost of the house note I have taken over for her and the S's, and part of childcare).
Then W asked me if I would charge my own mother were she to have come to live with me. Not fully understanding what she meant, I asked her to explain. W asked would I charge my mother this much to rent out our spare bedroom. I said that if I were to ask my mother to come live with me, I most likely would not ask her to pay part of the rent, but she would insist anyway. And as for the amount, I asked her was she going to question the amount or whether I should be charging MIL at all to live under our roof. W said that it was quite "cold" of me to want to charge her mother, MIL, rent when I wouldn't do so for my own mother. Me: "How so?" W: "Because she takes care of our 2 S's five days a week. She takes S6 to the bus stop, and drops S2 off at Preschool. Then she's there for them when they get home and feeds them dinner before I get there when I'm running late." Me: "You forget. That was your job. If you bring in your mother to help you out during the time you have custody with the boys, then that's your choice, not mine. Frankly, if you wanted to hire a nanny, that would be your prerogative too, but I take care of the boys the entire time they're in my custody, without pawnimg them off onto someone else -- and I prefer it that way." W: <pause> "Yeah, you're right. She's there to benefit me and not you, so I guess it's fair." Me: "Are you wanting to negotiate what she the rental fee should be? You're the one who suggested five hundred. Is that still sound?" W: "Yes, I guess so. It's just that you are being you're typical cold self."
Am I wrong in this, folks?
I feel like the MIL has been taking advantage of me and my family and has, in addition, enabled and encouraged my W to pursue this separation and D. I feel she is a negative influence on my S's (she had the audacity to tell S6 that because I no longer live in that home, that it was no longer my house anymore) and a toxic personality all around. I do not appove of her raising my S's. And I know she condones (and encourages) W's relationship with the OM. I have shown her nothing but kindness and pity for her troubles in life, and yet she has done nothing but try to undermine my position in my own family.
On top of all that, just the fact MIL is there means W is not feeling the full effects and consequences of our separation as she should.
I know I am likely putting W in the position of defending MIL, but I don't think I should be footing the bill for someone to help betray me and destroy my family. Forgiveness is one thing, but stupidity is another.
