Okay, now I've figured it out. My personality is 45% girl elf, 25% Mrs. Claus (relatively young and svelte version), 15% female Rudolph and 15% doll abandoned on the island of forgotten toys. So, it's pretty clear who I am looking for. He's mostly warm and generous but he's kind of sexy because he's got shiny black boots, a full beard, a twinkle in his eye, deep booming baritone voice, good deal of pagan/monkey/"right jolly old elf" spirit and he likes having girls sit on his lap while he fills up their stocking.
I guess I have 102 days to find him. I wonder where he hangs out in the off-season?
Last edited by MJontheMend; 09/15/0703:31 PM.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Oh... I just wanted to have lunch because I like you... the discussion of animals is just a bonus... I'm still figuring out my zoo... I think I have the hang of it, but it's always good to run it past a girlfriend... kwis?
Well, it's not like Mr. Mojo was pure evil. I think the problem was that he was "sweet" rather than "warm"
I certainly don't think Mr. Mojo was pure evil. I tried to formulate my statement to make that clear, and I think I did make it clear if you'll take it at face value.
I was only addressing the issue of happiness. IMHO you want a guy who is happy BEFORE he meets you and you meet him. NOT a guy who has a gaping hole inside (as I believe 4's tend to) and is looking for you to fill it.
And if this mythical guy does have times of unhappiness, as anyone does, he may look to you for comfort, fun, distraction, caring, BUT he is not looking to you to fix some chronic existential unhappiness.
I believe that's what Mr. Mojo did: he put you in charge (and you accepted the task, as is perfectly natural when you care about someone, as misguided as it may be) of fixing his world so he could be happy. Thus the notes on the coffee pot, etc. I think you want a guy who will either not be bothered by the state of the coffee pot, or else is perfectly willing to fix it himself without defining its need for fixing as some way that you have let him down.
I was only addressing the issue of happiness. IMHO you want a guy who is happy BEFORE he meets you and you meet him. NOT a guy who has a gaping hole inside (as I believe 4's tend to) and is looking for you to fill it.
I totally agree. One of my dating books said that the main thing a woman should look for in a man is that he has more pleasure than pain in his life. I think high functioning 4s are as likely as anyone to achieve that state. They just need to be taking positive action towards creative expression and activism.
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I believe that's what Mr. Mojo did: he put you in charge (and you accepted the task, as is perfectly natural when you care about someone, as misguided as it may be) of fixing his world so he could be happy. Thus the notes on the coffee pot, etc. I think you want a guy who will either not be bothered by the state of the coffee pot, or else is perfectly willing to fix it himself without defining its need for fixing as some way that you have let him down.
There were layers of conflict beneath the tension over the coffee pot notes. Mr. Mojo felt like if he was going to work at a job that he hated he at least deserved a decent cup of coffee in the morning and it was my job to make that possible because I was "making" him work at a job he hated because I was enforcing a boundary concerning his role in providing financial support for our family. The odd thing is I actually still respect him enough that I really wonder how he can possibly respect himself now that he isn't even paying child support. It makes me feel like my marriage was a total farce if we didn't even truly share the value of parental responsibility. Like he was just a cardboard cutout in the shape of "Dad" or "father of my children" that functioned as window dressing and really I was a single mother with an ill-mannered boarder who helped pay the bills.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Okay, so I decided that I wanted to date Santa Claus and I re-opened my two internet dating profiles last night. Both of my profiles are pretty "monkey" and therefore I think pretty well reflect the real me. This morning I open my mailbox and I have a response from a man who states that he stands for peace, love and caring for the weak. He also says that he is an openly emotional person and very physically affectionate.
Anyway, I was thinking about it and maybe I haven't made it clear because I usually talk more about "just sex" on this BB but most of the men I've dated since I have been separated have been men who have actively pursued me and have given off a very "maternal" vibe and have been a certain "type". I would say that the type of man who has always been most attracted to me, even when I was young,generally falls into the category of "ethnic city boy." Part of the reason I am not attracted to WASP types is that generally they are not attracted to me. I was actually kind of confused when this one guy who was tall, thin and blond with WASP-like features asked me out but over dinner he revealed that he was Hungarian and had grown up in Toledo.
Anyway, I was thinking about it and it seems to me that there is the tendency in our culture to equate "manliness" with the John Wayne ideal of "strong and silent" and what we mean by "silent" is someone who is reserved in their expression of emotion. Obviously, this is not the case in other cultures. Back in my less differentiated days, I wrote about wanting a man to sign the oath of Zorba the Greek before I would commit to a relationship with him. Then I realized that was wrong-minded for all sorts of reasons. Now what I am realizing is that although I have no desire to make a man sign such a contract, the fact remains that I actually want to be in a relationship with a guy who just naturally is like Zorba the Greek and I think my reasons for this are good reasons.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Anyway, I was thinking about it and it seems to me that there is the tendency in our culture to equate "manliness" with the John Wayne ideal of "strong and silent" and what we mean by "silent" is someone who is reserved in their expression of emotion.
Gee, ya THINK?!? you're just waking up to this now??? sh!t, this is probably the root cause of most of our neuroses. good grief.
anyway, I still don't get wtf happened w/ NG? Seemed like a nice fellow? what happened?
LOL- No, what I'm "waking up" to is how this cultural tendency effects a woman like me who naturally tends towards being childlike and cerebral. I think maybe John Wayne is to the bunny as Zorba is to the monkey.
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anyway, I still don't get wtf happened w/ NG? Seemed like a nice fellow? what happened?
I'm still kind of trying to figure that out myself. He was mostly the right kind of guy for me. Interacting with him made me realize that the dysfunctional part of my HD could disappear in relation to a man who was willing to have sex with me even if he wasn't feeling monkey himself out of a Zorba spirit of emotional generosity rather than a John Wayne sense of duty. I think the reason this is true is that I've pretty much never turned a guy down for sex with whom I've been in relationship and the reason why, which I think is hard for most men and most LD women to understand, is that even if I'm not horny I choose to have sex in order to be caring because I understand that sexual desire can be a form of "pain". I do it for the same reason that I will almost always prepare food for someone I love who is hungry even if I'm not hungry myself. That is also the reason why I generally regard my sexuality as something that is "good." So when I see the same tendency in a man it comforts me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Sorry to interrupt here... but you know what I've noticed about you? You are way more philosophically deep, and much more humorous, than I would ever imagine a programmer to be. Except, most programmers I've met, who I actually get to open up and talk to me, are anything but shallow and cave man like.
I say this because I just read your post to Sandi over on her thread. When you allow yourself to open and 'let go,' wow, do you ever have it. You kind of remind me of NOP in this way. I remember him saying to me when he started posting again that he was a man of few words. And... that was just not an accurate memory for me. That may be how he is IRL, to most of the masses beyond Mrs. NOP, but... when he decides to do it, my goodness that man can open up the flood gates and write like nobody's business. To me, he is a man of great introspection and detailed thought.
As are you, I think. At least, that is my recent sense of you.
If you chose to do so, I think you and Mrs. Cac could really open up your communication if you decided to do so through writing to one another. ???
Why do I say this. Well... I've been thinking about you and your description of yourself. You spend most of your days in very deep thought, for that is what is required for programming and debugging (especially). I understand that whole sense of 'puzzle' stuff, for it gigs me, too. I don't expect anyone to understand it. I just do it...
Anyways. The other day, my bf came down on Friday... I love having him here, but I did have work to do... and the work I had to do required of me deep thought and concentration. He was cool with it, and I went about my business. (It involved lots and lots of puzzle solving, different files interacting with one another, etc., etc., and I had to pay attention so that any changes I made HERE wasn't going to fck up something THERE. kwis? He was cool with it... but what I did notice... is if he asked me a question while I was in Deep Thought Mode... there was, like... a good 5 minute delay in my responding... and when I did respond... it was sorta 'robot' kind of thing... because I did not, and could not afford at that point, to lose my train of thought.
So... I get done doing what I was doing... but when I come 'out' of that.... I almost feel like a person with a dunce cap on, drool drizzling from the corner of my mouth... as my 'brain' tries to figure out how to reconnect with the world... moving from micro-specific, back to macro-awareness of the world kind of thing. I used to be like this all the time when I worked for a university, and the gazzillion or so things I had to keep straight in my head, as I went about doing MY work...
As I was coming out of that, I honest to God thought of you... because my bf was ready to engage, 'now,' (talk) and I'm still feeling like I was wiping drool from my chin.
And it took me about three hours to get out of it, too. I told him what was going on, so he wouldn't feel hurt.
But I'm thinking of you... leaving work, driving home... coming in the door to Mrs. Cac... and I don't know if you need a three hour window to return to the land of living... but I do very much understand how a question like, 'how was your day?' would be almost more than you can bear. Not on purpose... it just isn't... THERE. It could, almost, send the processors into 'over heat' mode.
It was much easier, when I was decompressing in the company of my bf, to just do 'physical' things that required absolutely NO THOUGHT on my part. I got busy cooking dinner... thank god I had 'thought' about that before hand, and all I had to do was... DO it...
... nod....
I think I 'get' you in a dif way than I perhaps had before.
I even have a point to this... I just have to think it through a bit more... before I can write it out...
