Hope - my h was a litle unusual in that he didn't start the PA until after the bomb. EA started around late AUgust: she was so trashy that I didn't see the threat!
I agree about the longer term depression - the depression that my h described was of a darker sort than his ongoing mildly depressed state. And yes, I recognise the childish and upsetting behavour, which I largely ignored. Partly because I was used to dealing with adolescent males, and not letting things 'get' to me. Just post bomb a close friend said rather shrewdly 'You have been dealing with 4 children, not 3 for the past couple of years'
I think I wanted to keep the show on the road for the kids as much as for myself: and I am glad I did, What happened was bad enough for them as adults, or nearly adult. If it had happened a coule of years earlier I don't think I could have kept everything together for them. I am awestruck about how those with younger children deal with MLC. As it is, my eldest son was established in his career, second son in his research programme, and third son had just finished his high school.
There seems to be a distinction for them between the actual loss and the realization of the loss: my h actually lost the closeness and respect of his children from day 1, but it took a long time for it to sink in to him that this was more than their 'reaction' to something they didn't like. In fact I think he cried a litte in late August when we discussed this on the phone. He is still somewhat in 'victim' mode, wanting them to accept what he has done, and tending to blame them for their intransigence, while starting to recognise that what he did was horrible . . . I still get a lot of self justification onthe phone, but it is less agressive than formerly.
