Update: Had the big R convo last evening. Well.. it actually ended up not being so big except that I had the chance to share some very personal stuff that I had never talked to him about during our entire marriage. Sadly, it made him question me on why I couldn't share that stuff with him before. Why I had never trusted him enough.
From a person who's head also has gotten in the way of their heart in the past, it feels like the world is falling in when your heart starts coming first. My ic says I'm "thawing". It's a bit overwhelming at times...
As for talk about the A, oddly enough, I don't think H understood how much pain his every day contact causes me and rips my heart apart. But, I ask myself, how could that be?.. How could he not get it? I think experiencing my raw emotions while we talked about it was good for him.
In the end, nothing seemingly has changed and we were interrupted before any talk of D came up. We told each other how much we love each other and want the other to be happy. H keeps saying how much he wants to have that "connection" with me and not someone else and yet is unwilling to give up the ow. We are at a stalemate and what can we do now but end our M?? Conversation for another day I guess.
