I know the depths of your hurt and confusion. My H gave me the ILYBNILWY 3 weeks ago and had seen a L that morning for a D. This came after only 6 weeks or so of turmoil and we've been M 10 years. I can't make any sense out of it, and I'm not being given a choice to just seperate and work on things, or have a chance of reconciliation. Before this D wasn't in our vocabulary, even through some really chllenging times. It is like an alien has abducted him.
I haven't posted a lot on this site, but I have read a lot, and it is very comforting to know other people are going through similar situations and surviving. My therapist told me that often when we imagine something horrible happening to us we actually create the same feelings and emotions as if it were happening, only they're feelings that are catastrophized, so what your feeling when you're just thinking about the worst instead of actually going through it can be worse (alot worse) than actually living through the situation. I've found this to be true. When I first realized there was a problem with my H and suspected an EA and thought about them and what they could be saying, and what if I ended up facing a D, and on & on- I felt like I was going to die, literally. Those feelings are real, but when you are actually facing the situation instead of catastrophizing it in your head, it's gut wrenching, BUT you can survive and be happy. I know this now. I will have a great life with or without a R.
Do what is in you to save your R. What I'm saying from my experience, if your not given a choice, you have to focus on your own happiness and KNOW you'll be ok. Take advantage of the love and support of your friends and family- tell them you need to spend time with them, and take advantage of the wisdom of other peoples experiences on this site.
ME 31, H 40 M 10 NO KIDS MLC? PA? BOMB 8/22/07 ILYBNILWY WANTS D
