Growing up is hard to do

[hopefloats7]

My H is such a jerk.

I have a strong suspicion that he wasn't at work yesterday. I had forwraded him an email yesterday from his brother's wife announcing the sex of their baby. He never responded. So when he got home, I asked if he got my email. he said no. Then I noticed jeans and sox rolled up in a ball in the back seat of his car. Now, we all know he's capable of that level of deception.

I didn't say anything until this morning. I noticed that he had logged his laptop in last night. Now, why after spending a full day at work would he come home and check email - ON A FRIDAY! He would not do that.

So, I accused him this morning. He was all nasty. He told me I'm at the height of suspicion right now. I said becuase he is not trustworthy and his words mean zip because all he does is lie. He continued to be nasty to me.

I said, "I can't wait until you'r out of my life so you can stop causing me such misery".

I know it wasn't the wisest move on my part, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. He's such a f-ing liar. I can't believe he has treated me this horribly. I can't believe I've allowed it for so long.

I'm sad and angry. I just want to smack him (but I won't).

He's going to look at appartments today.

PS,

Ok, before I say anything I want to preface it by telling you I understand that desire to snoop, suspect, and spew. And I know your anger for your H is based upon hurt.

What you have to do from hereon is NOT snoop. Don't send him emails to see if he responds from work. That is snooping in a roundabout way and will only lead to what happened yesterday. You don't need this kind of stress.

Don't worry what clothes are balled up in his car. How pathetic is it that he is living that way in the first place? But it is all part of the crisis. My H carried around a duffle bag like a hobo for a year.

I am going to tell you something: He IS going to do awful things right now. He IS going to lie to your face if you call him on it. Believe me when I tell you, you cannot change it by loving him more, snooping, pressuring him to be better. It is not his time to be better...yet.

You're at that point where you have to let go and you don't want to, and I remember it well.

He is watching you and remembering the words you say to him right now. I didn't think my H was doing this, but he was. They all watch to see how we react. Honey, you need to stop reacting at all. Act like you don't see a darn thing. Just go about life and don't act like a wife to him right now. If you try to call him on what he is doing, he is going to run away FAST.

Yes, he is a jerk right now but this is replay. Welcome to Jerkland.

You have to detach and save yourself from the insanity or you will make yourself sick. I did. It got bad. Once I stopped, I was a LOT better.