Hey Pam - I hope you understand that this exchange here on your thread is very helpful for me too. Although NG and I have a better R now than before, I'm still in the 'consciously-competent' stage of my communication style changes, and in all honesty, often question if I can keep this up.
Originally Posted By: CMNM
My first reaction to this was complete paranoia! As in, "Why? Did Betsey say that about me?" Then I realized that was silly.
I'm sorry for triggering temporary paranoia The question was meant to see if this challenge you had was a reaction to H, or was more a reflection of your overall style, and NO, I don't see it as selfish at all. Just focused. You see, I have a similar problem. Comes from years of training and experience as an analyst (market analyst, not the psycho type) My skill is in sifting through a lot of info quickly and seeing the end game. Assumptions define analysts. Makes me good at my job, but lousy at relationships with the subtle/sensitive types, KWIM? Personally I've enjoyed your contribution on several threads here because you have been able to cut through a lot of posturing crwap and gotten to the heart of the matter. A woman after my own heart
Originally Posted By: CMNM
Of course I want to be different. I wasn't saying, hey, I am selfish and proud of it! I don't even know that selfish is the right word in this situation. I am not trying to backtrack out of what I said, but I do need to explain that yes, I was caught up in my own pain. It wasn't that I didn't want to help my H thru his own, it was more that I didn't understand that he had his own. I was feeling like he was blaming me for all of our communication issues. That hurt.
I thought I wanted to be different too. And am slowly coming to the realisation that I actually want to be effective, and that means sometimes being the same, and sometimes adapting to a different style. Long way of saying needing to change and wanting to change may not always happen at the same time And sometimes, we should be careful not to chuck the baby out with the bathwater.
Then I realized that was silly. 
The question was meant to see if this challenge you had was a reaction to H, or was more a reflection of your overall style, and NO, I don't see it as selfish at all. Just focused. You see, I have a similar problem. Comes from years of training and experience as an analyst (market analyst, not the psycho type) My skill is in sifting through a lot of info quickly and seeing the end game. Assumptions define analysts. Makes me good at my job, but lousy at relationships with the subtle/sensitive types, KWIM? Personally I've enjoyed your contribution on several threads here because you have been able to cut through a lot of posturing crwap and gotten to the heart of the matter. A woman after my own heart 
And sometimes, we should be careful not to chuck the baby out with the bathwater. 
