Go take a look at the pool. I'm serving mint juleps, but most of the ice is melted now. I guess it's almost time to change to iced coffee and iced tea for the day crowd.
Hi Everyone - 5 months ago my H told me that he loves me but was not in love with me anymore. He said that he needed space so I gave it to him and then about 3 weeks ago his lawyer sent me a letter telling me to find a lawyer for D. My H said that I didn't show him the love he wanted he said I didn't tell him that I love him enough and I didn't sent him love notes and I guess he's right because after out 3 year old S was born I was really overwhelmed. Anyway after I got the letter from his lawyer I started to do the 180 I told him I love him all the time and I sent him love emails everyday. These past few days he has been acting a little strange so I asked him about it and he said I was making him feel very uncomfortable and then when I pushed a little he said that he was seeing someone and when I kept pushing he said he's not seeing her but they have been talking a lot. Anyway I still love him a lot and I dont want a divorce but he said it's going to happen. Is there anything else I can do? If anyone has any advice to save my marriage I would really appreciate it. I'm so sad and have been crying so much thyat I'm sick. Please someone help he.
That is so sad. And yet you are in good company, because to some extent it has happened to everyone on this board. I think the first thing to do is to start your own thread. That way people will know by the title that you are looking for help and can address it directly to you.
The way to do that is to click on the forum list at the top of the page. and that will give you all the forums. Go to either Newcomers or Infidelity and click on that. Then at the top of that page it will have a button for new topic. Click on new topic and you are ready to write.
The best advice I can give you is to pull yourself together and start living for yourself and your child. Keep busy and focus on yourself and the your son. You cannot control your husband, so you can only upset yourself by trying. Get the Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy book. Good luck.
On top of that I would say STOP any needy pursuing - It tends to drive them away rather than bring then back.
I know it is hard but try to become the person he fell in love with before you had your child. Sometimes it even takes seperation to make them see what they are missing. Most people on these boards have arrived because they have been low and desperate. It is a good place to vent and get all those pent up feeling off your chest. You are with people who understand what you are going through and want to help as much as they can. This place is an absolue life line.
Both Sara and I are happily married now - there is hope; don't lose it. Do all you can to make him want to take you back, but don't pusue. Saffie
Last edited by saffie; 09/15/0706:31 AM.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thank you so much Sara and Saffie for your advice and I will try to back off and not pursue him. I have a question because my H said that I wasn't showing him the love so shouldn't I do that now instead of backing off. The only reason I ask is bacause 5 months ago when he first told me he said he needed space so I tried to give it to him but he still went to the lawyer.
You need to let him know you love him and want to be with him BUT at the same time you need to do it in a way that is not clingy and pursuing. Maybe an letter to him outlining how you feel, how much you care etc but also telling him that whilst you love him very much you realise he needs the space that he is requesting and so you are going to try to honour his request to allow him time to find out what he needs. I personally found that if I wrote things to my H, (I mainly emailed him when he was at work so he had time to digest what I was saying before we came in contact again), then I could really consider what I said and make sure I adopted what I felt was the right tone with him.
Something else you could do is read the book 'The Five Languages of Love'. You might find that you both show love in different ways and that although you do both love each other you don't understand each other's messages. Maybe you are showing your love but he just isn't 'getting it' for some reason.
Good Luck and keep posting.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I watched the Movie "the Secret" last night on "pay for view" It was really inspiring to me. I can't wait to get back to the book. I am going to record it so I can watch it again. It is not really new. It's is about positive thinking and about how it influences our surroundings. I did have a "vision" when I was watching this. I have NOT worn my wedding ring since my first operation. My thoughts were that Yes on paper I was married but I was not living a "married life" so why should I wear my ring? But then the thought can into my mind that by not wearing the ring I was making or sending the "signal" that my marriage was over. I put the ring back on last night. It's about the Laws of attraction. How if you want to lose weight you buy that dress that you want to fit in and hang it up where you can see it. Everyday you look at it to inspire you to lose that weight. A study was done on Olympic runners. They hooked up electrodes al over their bodies and told the runners to close their eyes and run the race in their minds. The charts showed the same mussel activity going on as if they were running the race. The mind does not know they were just thinking it. I live with one of these problems. I lost my leg 3" above my knee. I am always getting cramps or itch on my foot that I DO NOT HAVE. My concuss mind knows the foot is gone but my subconscious mind does not know this. The nerves still run from my brain to my knee and just end. My mind is getting the signals still but does not know it not coming from my foot. When someone used to call you on the phone you knew they were home. But now with cell phones you don't know were they are. It still sounds the same but they could be anywhere. I may have gotten of track but my point is that we don't realize what signals we are sending out sometimes. We send out both positive and negative signals. We should always try to send out positive signals. Like my wedding ring. I want to get my marriage back on track but the signal I was sending was I had given up.
Nephartiti,
The hideaway is on kentucky st.
Husband
Last edited by husband; 09/15/0703:10 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Glad you liked the movie and the book. The wedding ring point is a good one. Have a good time at the birthday party today. I have lots of plans for today too. So I won't be on the computer long.
I have been making my plans for my vacation. I have maps, printed out pages of ghost towns I want to visit. BUT.... I have not made the reservations. I was going through the moves but was not committed. I am making the reservations right now. I will be in Bakersfield Calif. overnight on the 16th of February then off to Vegas for the 17th - 21st. (20th is my B-day). Then back to Bakersfield on the 22ndand then home. I AM DOING IT.
Have a great and Positive thinking day
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The bad news is that if I book the room more than 90 days in advance I have to book for at least 7 days. (Damn it, oh well I guess I have to stay longer) The good news is that I am booked IN VEGAS from February 17th thru the 24th.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
