Yes, the use of our S as a source of information is a troublng matter. S6 is always a fountain of information at times, and he can't help but blurp something out, even if you explicitly tell him not to tell anyone (he has spoiled the surprise for numerous birthdays and other occasions.) W warned me against trying to pump S6 for information on her and her activities (In my one case, I couldn't help it if he spontaneously volunteered the info), but she doesn't intend to follow her own advice, apparently.
I can only control myself, so what she does is out of my hands. I agree it is bad for our S's to intentially be used in this way.
I have not shared details about my GAL with the W, but when she asks I can be coy with her only so far. I'm not going to lie to her, so if she asks me point blank I will tell her just enough. Unfortunately she is getting details from S6. And I have found that she has opened my mail that arrives at the house -- she can see information on my purchases and where I made them -- so the cover charges for taking the dance lessons are there and so too are the camping supplies, etc. So maybe that's part of the reason she doesn't like my opening a separate checking account -- she won't be able to track what I do.
And yes, she said the exact same thing about the dance lessons, "The whole time we've been married you have never shown any interest in learning to dance. And you certainly didn't think about taking me out dancing in all that time either. Why now?"
