Welcome to my life! Sounds like we have a lot in common. Re you may not always feel like you do now and want to stick with H, I thought about adding that in my conversation but decided against it. I think I'll hold onto that card for a while. Thanks for writing!
Hey ST!
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
They are totally under the assumption that we want everything how it was, but that wasn't good either. We may have been content, but we weren't "happy". anyways, I wasn't.
Nor was I. It was funny to me to realize he really thought I was just hanging on to what was, which so clearly seems like a bad idea. But he was, and now I know that he was thinking I was a real dolt.
Originally Posted By: S.T. _I Made It!
I think your H is telling you to initiate too. If he doesn't bring up going on in a few weeks, I think you should do it and be excited about it....make some really cool plans or something and don't be afraid of rejection (don't let him see you upset if he said no).
Maybe he is; it sure felt like it. I'll think of something and invite him, see what he says.
I realized today---those machines at the gym always seem to get my mind going---that the conversation where I really share my feelings with him has yet to take place. It's one thing to say "I'm sad" and another to be totally honest. I know that the R I really want to have requires me to be vulnerable and that it's very hard for me, but I'm going to have to do it, for me, regardless of whether it helps this R or not.
As I was thinking about it I asked myself, well, what's making me sad? I really got on a roll and realized I'd have to jump off that train of thought if I didn't want to start crying at the gym! So there's a lot of sadness there, of course, and I'm going to have to tap into it (alone) and then figure out how to share it with H (and how much). This is going to be hard work. Feels like therapy.
H just told me he'd been talking to a colleague who's going through a nasty divorce and asked me if I'd feel better to have things in writing. It was really kind, and I appreciated it, but still thought oh mercy. I said thank you, I'll think about it.
He keeps asking me if I need more time (to myself, with him taking the kids) and whether I'll feel comfortable asking for it if I do. I haven't yet, but especially thinking about the sadness, etc, I'm going to need some space for that---can't do it with the kids. Now I just have to figure out where to go, I guess.
I'm thinking about taking off early Sunday and going somewhere, but where do you go to be sad? I can't sit in the car, don't want to cry in public, etc. Maybe one of those silent zen retreat places? Maybe a Ritz-Carlton? Where to go for a self-actualizing day trip?
