Trying to get WAW back

[Dom R]

I'll be separated from the kids and be a part time parent if a D happens so what's the difference from now?

The differences are:

1. you have a greater chance of saving your marriage, if you are living in the same house with your wife

2. If you dont establish a schedule that has your children WITH YOU, as soon as possible... you will most likely lose your legal right to do that in the future.

So, if you care about your future ability to have "unsupervised visits" and overnights with your children, you have exactly two choices:

a) piss off your wife, by moving back into your home
b) piss off your wife, by insisting that you get them with you exclusively for some days/nights a week, starting right away.

I am deadly serious on this, Dave. See a lawyer to confirm what I'm saying. But basically, how it works, is that she files papers against you, with the "date of separation" as the date you moved out of the house. She then has precedence of, "We've been separated since xxx 2007, and I have had exclusive custody of our children since that time. I move that I retain sole custody".

Judge: "motion granted."

The longer you wait, the more airtight her case is on this.
2 weeks, is not so bad. A few months, is deadly.
From a legal perspective, you are demonstrating that you only care to have "supervised visits" with your children, and nothing more.
SEE A LAWYER, to find out for yourself, if you dont want to believe me.

Once you understand that, and agree that if you care about your children, you are forced into choosing either A or B... my opinion is that option A, is less harmful to your marriage.
Because once you start down the "custody" road, and show that you are serious about fighting for your children, that encourages her to stop pretending she's going to play nice, and go into fight
mode. She will start getting protective of "her" children.


Moving back in, is the lesser aggression of the two.

At least this way I have a chance to prevent it from happening.

That is a false statement, dave. You have a chance to prevent the breakup of your family both ways.
Based on experience, and what counsellors say, I can tell you that your chance of preventing it is far better in your home, than out of it, IF you can control yourself.
(if you cant, then your marriage is doomed either way, so i would suggest not using that as an excuse)

I also need her to be confident when facing with dealing of our issues. If she is down and depressed, we have no chance of ever overcoming anything.

Again: FALSE.
Tell me, do alchoholics best recover, and set a better course for their lives, when they are "confident"? or when they are "down and depressed"?

If she gets to feeling all happy and confident with you out of the house, lets look at the choices she has:


"Hmm.. when Dave was with me, I was sad and depressed.
When I got rid of Dave, I became happy and confident.
NO WAY I'm going to have Dave back! I want to stay happy and confident!"


What you are planning, Does Not Make Sense, Dave.