I spoke with H a few times today because of business. I called him in the am to leave a message--today was different from the regular pick-up plan because S went to a dance, and I needed to know what time he was coming for D. He asked me then what I wanted to do about the cell phone--I said I hadn't thought about it, I didn't know what I was doing, about that or anything else. He tried to make it into another R talk (wow, I never stood back to see how he baits me into this until today, then blames me!), but I just said I only needed to know the time, thanks, gotta go and hung up.
A few days ago, H asked for one of the digital cameras that we own, so he can take pictures of the kids. He said he missed taking pics when they were swimming in his pool, having fun (even though it hurt me to think about taking pictures during this whole mess--I don't want to remember this). Originally, I said yes. When he picked up the kids, he asked me if I had gotten it together for him. I was completely focused on the kids and had to switch gears to deal with him, a bit. I said no, I still use it alot and I'm keeping it. Both of them? he asked, and I said yes (one is a point-and-shoot, the other a fancy SLR). My sweet S immediately offered up his camera to his dad, but I said no, love, that's yours. You could see that H was pissed off, but I don't care. (I went out to the car because H picked S up from a dance, and it was the only time I could see S before the weekend away).
I went over a few quick kid things (reading minutes for D, sleepover and toothbrush stuff for S, etc.), then he just seemed to melt into the seat, attracting the same attention from me that I would afford a taxi driver. I have never been able to be that way around him before, with him so close--there was nothing there for me, pulling me apart. I gave the kids big smooches and sent them on their way.
What a difference a week can make. No crying, no overly sappy emotion. I mean, I will be missing having the kids home, but I don't feel broken about it. I feel like I can breathe.
Hope I can stay on this side of this, at least for a while, and regain my footing.
