Ooh, and to make matters worse, its W's birthday on Sunday. I have bought sexy underwear and nightwear for her (that'll probably go down like a lead balloon) and some music.
Going to have to DB like mad and act 'as if' all weekend. So tired at the moment, this has been going on for 6 months and there is still no end in sight.
Also need some advice on the W's bday card. Want to write a poem in it along the lines:
You ask me why I love you, I only know I do, You ask me why I married you, Because of the love so true, We have two beautiful children, that fill our hearts with pride, For that I love you dearly and want you by my side.
It's how I feel about her, but don;t want to do anything that will turn her against me further. Lots of advice would be appreciated.
First you say no more cuddling and asking for sex, and then you plan to give her a birthday gift of sexy underwear?? Do you not realize that gift is the same as asking for sex??
It probably WILL go over like a lead balloon. So why do it? Save that gift for another time, maybe even pull it out as a surprise when SHE is in the mood.
It seems to me you backed off the sex for a bit once before, and she was asking for it within a few days. Seems like she wants it, but would rather have the ability to diminish its importance by acting like she did you a favor or it was easier to let you have your way. So, I agree with you that backing off a bit is a good idea. But she won't want to be seen as pursuing you all the time, even just for sex. How about this: Wait for her to initiate the next time, then you can initiate again, once. Then wait for her again.
I agree with my3sons if it goes back and forth then she won't feel pressure and you both will probably be in a more comfortable situation. I hadn't thought about it but I think I'm going to do the same thing; makes sense to me.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Obviously its a bit contrived, but egos are fragile right now, and it might be a way forward.
I neglected to opine about the poem. If your W has gone for that sort of thing in the past, you might try it. Me, I would write something like the same sentiments in prose--rhyme and meter tend to get in the way when we're trying to be perfectly open with our feelings.
The way it reads now sounds like, "I married you because I love you and I love you because we have beautiful children." Which is of course utter nonsense, since you were married before the children.
Thanks for the advice - underwear going into bottom drawer, nightime clothes I think I'll be OK on.
I'll tweak the poem now and see if it reads better:
You ask me why I love you, I only know I do, You ask me why I married you, Because of the love so true, We now have two happy children, that fill our hearts with pride, For that I love you dearly, mother, friend and bride.
I have done poems in the past, so this is nothing too different. As regards the sex angle, I think I'll cool it and wait - we have a holiday in Mallorca in October so that may be less stressful and fit in better.
Please still come back to me on the poem and the presents - one of the nightshirts says 'I need my space', so I'm trying to acknowledge that, the other is more jockey and says 'Grumpy but gorgeous'.
