I'm sorry that happened. You should not have taken the bait. She did that garbage purposely to get you to react. I don't know what to tell you. Moving is a hugely drastic step, especially if it changes the financial arrangement. They probably are trying to get you out of the house so they can get in it.
Think carefully before you leave. There is no going back. If she's not filing charges she's not filing charges. And besides, what is the sentence for hair-pulling anyway? It's just uglieness, and you are above it.
It was ugly and not a proud moment. I am glad that there were no kids to see it. I have to talk with the officer tomorrow.
At least this seemed to be the thing that has flipped the switch inside of my brain. My H wants this, and not me, not his family? I will never understand it (not that I need to, it is true), but it is what it is right now. Even his parents believe that they deserve each other at this point.
I don't want him, not like he is now. And I don't see even the smallest glimmer or chance that he would do any of the work on himself that would need to be done to repair or rebuild / build a new R. I deserve so much more.
Its like my H died, and I am being haunted by this twisted apparition. It looks like him...but the man I knew and loved is gone. That is what is, today.
I am ready to live in the moment. The kids and I had a great time yesterday, even after the news. Maybe in spite of it. It is not the life that I wanted, but there are still things in it that can and will be good.
Oh, and if I were to move, it would be in selling the house. M&FIL have already said that they should not be a determining factor, as they will go to Fl to be close to her sister. I don't know; we'll see--it's just an option right now. H left so many unfinished projects around, and it would be nice to have something where everything was done.
I am tired of fighting the fight. I have been fighting it all, not accepting this reality. I have to walk away from this train wreck.
I am calling the union today--I get 2 free 1/2 hour consultations, so I want to go over the paperwork relating to pensions/retirement, sep of bills, etc. Also have to get with an accountant. I want to cover all of the bases, so I don't have to keep thinking about it. I am strongly considering the house move after the settlement.
I have to get the emotions out of this mess, out of my head. And since the blow-up, I have felt that way. I did see the other mom at the bus stop this morning, and apologized. She said no need--she could completely understand that I had stuff to say to her. She stuck around just to make sure that there were no kids within earshot. I left it at that.
The officer called me back. He was actually apologetic, saying that I was in a terrible situation. He drove past the house yesterday, and saw how she is in my face. He took my statement, then continued to sympathize with me for about 20 minutes. He just said that I have to be very careful with this woman, now, as we can see that she will stoop as low as possible to make life difficult for me; to stay as far away as I can or turn my back on her if she shows up, to eliminate the chance of any false claims. He even said that he could understand if I wanted to kick her a$$, but he would not want to see me get myself in trouble. He also said that he knows how this ruins marriages, but to remember that both of them were in it; that even if H was influenced, that he is a grown man, able to make his own choices, and that things happen for a reason, even if we can't see it until years later.
It was pretty amazing to have this officer speak to me so kindly. He was very upset by the whole thing, and kept telling me that he knows how difficult it must be for me. So, no harm, no foul. I hope that he sends her a report that spells out what a ___ she really is.
****** On another note, I called my bff on the way home from work. Her mom died at 2pm today. She is still reeling, but said she actually has a sense of peace, knowing that she went to a better place, away from the pain. She just kept saying that her mom was too good to have to go through all of this. She is so right; I know of others who are more deserving of such a fate.
I spoke with H a few times today because of business. I called him in the am to leave a message--today was different from the regular pick-up plan because S went to a dance, and I needed to know what time he was coming for D. He asked me then what I wanted to do about the cell phone--I said I hadn't thought about it, I didn't know what I was doing, about that or anything else. He tried to make it into another R talk (wow, I never stood back to see how he baits me into this until today, then blames me!), but I just said I only needed to know the time, thanks, gotta go and hung up.
A few days ago, H asked for one of the digital cameras that we own, so he can take pictures of the kids. He said he missed taking pics when they were swimming in his pool, having fun (even though it hurt me to think about taking pictures during this whole mess--I don't want to remember this). Originally, I said yes. When he picked up the kids, he asked me if I had gotten it together for him. I was completely focused on the kids and had to switch gears to deal with him, a bit. I said no, I still use it alot and I'm keeping it. Both of them? he asked, and I said yes (one is a point-and-shoot, the other a fancy SLR). My sweet S immediately offered up his camera to his dad, but I said no, love, that's yours. You could see that H was pissed off, but I don't care. (I went out to the car because H picked S up from a dance, and it was the only time I could see S before the weekend away).
I went over a few quick kid things (reading minutes for D, sleepover and toothbrush stuff for S, etc.), then he just seemed to melt into the seat, attracting the same attention from me that I would afford a taxi driver. I have never been able to be that way around him before, with him so close--there was nothing there for me, pulling me apart. I gave the kids big smooches and sent them on their way.
What a difference a week can make. No crying, no overly sappy emotion. I mean, I will be missing having the kids home, but I don't feel broken about it. I feel like I can breathe.
Hope I can stay on this side of this, at least for a while, and regain my footing.
I'm glad to hear about the officer, too.. that could've been much uglier and sounds like they were very sympathetic.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thank you, {{{Trip}}} {{{Nikki}}} for the sypathies. I really liked the woman and being in her company; she had a way of making you feel welcomed as part of the family. She was the belle of the ball at the office where she worked as a receptionist. So many people are going to miss her. I wish that there was something more that I could do for her, but at least she is surrounded by her family (she has a large Italian family, all very close-by). And I have no idea how her father is going to manage--he has said as much himself, called her his angel.
And, yes, the dealings with the police was a pleasant surprise. Nice to feel validated from someone who has probably seen it all. He really seemed to be looking out for my best interests.
