I have been where you are. I don't know if you have children but if you do you have to get a grip. I nearly lost mine with my grief. You are helping no-one and you are driving your wife away. Your desparation has already shown her how much you care. Now enough is enough. I tried to kill myself - it really doesn't help - everyone left behind will live the rest of their lives with what you will have done. It won't solve anything but it will hurt a lot of people. Are your parents still alive? if they are, can you begin to imagine how bad they would feel. And as for your wife - you profess to love her and yet you are willing to lay this guilt at her door forever.
A much better course of action would be to prove to her by your actions what a great guy you can be.
Go see a doctor and get on some medication. It may take a while to kick in but it will help. It is not a sign of weakness that you need medication, it is a sign of illness.
Keep posting and let us know how you are because we will worry about you. Please take care. I do understand how desperate you feel but I am living proof that it gets better, and I am a success story, I am with my husband and happily married now. You have a lot to live for.
(((((((HUGS))))))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
