Trying to get WAW back

[Dom R]

Dave... I hear what you are saying. I respect your intentions.
I dont think that you are making your actions the best fit for your intentions, though.
This is why:

you say she's been "struggling with her problems" for 15 years.
What makes you think she's going to somehow successfully deal with them, in a month? or two months?

What kind of problems are they? What is she doing to actually deal with them now, that she wasnt before?
It would be good to know, so that you can get the best advice from folks here. but just going in the dark here, i'm guessing that it will take 1 to 2 YEARS, for her to get a decent grip on her problems. Meanwhile, your children will suffer from living apart from you for years.

Right now my W doesn't want to spend time with me. She wants space. She'll get space.

Dave.. she can have "space", while still living in the same house.
(heck, wait until your son is a teenager. you'll see him maybe once a week if you're lucky. ha ha )

After all, if there's no trust then why would we even bother with this M.

You're going at it backwards, Dave. cart before the horse, and all that. People shouldnt "stay married, for only as long as you trust someone". Rather, if you are committed to a marriage, you WORK, at building/maintaining trust with your spouse! Trust is earned, and maintained.
Your wife is not committed, therefore there is no reasonable expectation of trust. However, that should not be a barrier for you to continue working on your marriage.

There's no trust after adultery, for example. But many couples choose to rebuild their marriage, and thus eventually rebuild trust, after they decide to recommit to each other.

side comment:

If she wants to prepare my son then she could've just told him we are separated.

That's how YOU would have handled it. however that's not how a caring mother handles it. She's preparing him in her own way, rather than your way. and it's actually the gentler way from a certain perspective. First, you get them used to living separately. Then you say, "well son, your father and I are now officially divorced. we're going to stay the way we are right now".
That way, there is a big stress hit about "the D word", but there isnt a double stressor about their living situation changing. That's already been dealt with.


Telling him up front == "massive anxiety about what's going to happen, and fear of the unknown".
Telling him after defacto separation == "things are just going to continue the way they are".

This is the way that women deal with it, if their husbands will actually go along with it.