Well, I've finally gotten off my lazy butt and moved over to this forum. I'm really glad to be here and piecing things back together with H! Here is all the history:
Things have been really good between H and I. I hope he agrees! We still see little stumbling blocks here and there but we're both working hard on how to prevent them when they occur and opening up to each other. We are also working hard on showing each other that we love each other using our love languages.
Right now H is on a skiing trip with his dad. I have to admit that it's really rough to have him gone again. I know I can handle being home alone because I did it for 3 months but it reminds me of those months so strongly that overall it's a pretty depressing experience. Luckily I have some friends coming down this weekend so that should keep me busy.
I'm supposed to go visit my parents while they are vacationing for winter in Alabama (they'll only be there to the end of March) but I really don't want to leave H. I don't want to be away from him, I don't want to put him through having me gone because I know he hates it and to be honest, there are some lingering trust issues as well. It's something that's really important to my parents and I think I need some time with them before my H will be ready to see them again.
The biggest issue we're discussing now is whether or not to continue seeing a C. We went this last week and I actually think it was a really good session. Most of the things that came up were things we'd already discussed but the C is really good at asking the right questions and getting us to understand each other even better than we can do on our own.
I think in the end we both decided to stop going and we're going to work on things ourselves. I was looking to do something a bit more structured while we C ourselves. For example, we would both read a chapter in a book and then discuss it, go through the KLA tape series and do the workbook exercises and discuss them, go through other books with workbooks, go to the KLA seminar and look online for intersting webpages and read/discuss those. Since we're both procrastinators, we'd have to set up something regular... like an hour every Tuesday to discuss etc.
We know that one of our major issues is that my H has a hard time communicating with me so we're looking into ways that will make it easier for him to do so. I am understanding more and more (with help of C actually) what makes it hard for him to speak with me so I am working on that. He also has ways that make it easier for him to tell me things like this BB, writing emails, letters etc and we're looking into ways we can bring up issues with each other like that so it will be more comfortable for him.
So now that we have a good handle on the issues with us, one of our biggest problems is going to be my family - and more specifically my mother. I'm actually going to continue with the C and work on my R with my mom. My mom has a very dominating personality, can be very judgemental and has to always be right. Unfortunately, she wanted us to get D'ed and thought it would be for the best. She doesn't have a high opinion of my H. She told me during the entire ordeal that my wedding day was the worst day of her life... so this isn't going to be easy.
Well, that's how things stand right now. This is going to be one long, slow, hard process but when my H is sitting next to me, holding my hand and smiling at me, it's all worth it.
