Also look at the facts, Fran's family and mine were tough on us and we don't have shame issues while our husbands families were protective and positive and they seem to be the ones with shame issues.
Fearless, you seem like a very differentiated and generally together person to me but I wanted to ask you something. I believe you indicated that you were bulimic as an adult while you were married. I guess my question is how can a person who is differentiated and happy in their primary relationship and not inclined towards shame manifest that type of behavior. I've definitely had tendencies towards overeating at various times in my life and I engaged in some borderline type bulimic activities in my late teens, like over-exercising while wearing plastic or fasting. If I think about the emotions or states of mind that might drive such behavior, I would definitely include shame. I might feel shame because I did a "bad" thing and ate a whole bag of Doritos or I might anticipate feeling shame if I was viewed as being unattractive. Also, the oral compulsion that drives the sort of mindless overeating common in bulimia would seem to be indicative of a need to self-comfort. I'm sure you know more about the topic than me and I might just be spouting psycho-babble off the top of my head.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
