Maybe it needs to be out in the open. You said no one knows about it? Not family?
My H too refused to move out months after I knew,but I could no longer stand his coming and goings and eating so much cake I became disgusted at the sight of him. So, the only way I knew to get him to move out and yes w/ OW (to see life as reality w/her) was to be mean everyday and push him to leave.
H is seeing its not so green on the other grass now......
That's exactly what I mean and I'm not at all proud of it. I was completely unhinged and my children saw me cutting myself. My arms were a mess for quite a while. But do you know what, my H was more upset when I cut myself across my chest than when I did my wrists - that should tell me something shouldn't it.
I was heavily drugged for a year after that but I have managed to get off all the ante depressants now. I still get some low days but they are getting fewer and fewer and truly my H has been very supportive and is extremely sorry for his part in it all. He never really new how bad I was. I had once tried to take an overdose shortly before he told me about his A but I called a friend and she and my doctor hid it from my H. I didn't know my H was having an A but I knew something was terribly wrong. It's why I still go for counselling now even though things seeem a lot better. I cannot afford to slip back for my children's sake.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie, I read the book by Dr. James Dobson "Love Must Be Tough" and it talked about suicidal thoughts in the LBS. He intereviewed a panel of 5 people from all different walks of life. He asked them if any of them had suicidal thoughts. Most, if not all, did.
I know I went through a period of not really having the nerve to do anything to myself because of my children and my religious beliefs, but wishing I could die. The betrayal hurts you beyond belief. You feel humiliated and worthless. Above all else we have to put our children first. They did not ask for all of the hurt they also experience during all of this. They do not need the further grief of suicide.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I know Yoyo. I think I was insane for a while. I can remember talking to my psychiatrist while I had my usual doctor at my bedside who wanted to sign my committal form and my psychiatrist explained to me over and over again that I was going to lose my kids if I got committed and that I had to promise not to harm myself anymore. I did promise although I have to admit that twice after that I cut myself, not to kill myself, but because the pain caused by cutting dulled the emotional pain inside. I know now that it was stupid but somehow at the time it made sense. Those days were just so dark. The memories still make me cry. Everyone had always considered me so strong until then. Perhaps that was my problem - my family always came to me with their problems and one day I just couldn't cope anymore what with their problems and my marraige.
At least most of it looks rosier these days.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
