Cold differentiation, fusion and stuff.

[Kettricken]

Maybe this is just a humungous (sp?) tangent, but I see a *massive* difference between "You got yourself up there, you can get yourself down" and "no one in our family ever chickened out" (yes, I know they were both hypotheticals).

The first is a version of "you can do it" but I suppose it seems better because it recognizes that a certain amount of gumption was required to even get into the predicament ("up there") in the first place. And it's calling on that same courage and determination to get back down.

The second does seem pretty toxic. Because it's comparing me to everyone else in the family, and if (say) I already have doubts that I can live up to that standard, this just exacerbates them. Plus, it's really calling on a kind of projected (enforced?) communal strength which I may or may not feel tapped in to, as opposed to my innate strength which is always at my disposal if only I can grasp it.

Do I think this level of navel-gazing is really going through the stuck kid's mind? ..... nah. Well, not conscious level ....

Reading all this and reflecting on my own childhood, I think the best gift you could ever give your child is some version of "You screwed up here, but hey, guess what? that's ok". And not hiding your own errors from them. And balancing "you could have done better" with "you did absolutely great".