What I don't really understand from fran is why "you can do it" sounds so much different to her than "you made it up there, you can make it down." To me that are both statements telling someone they are capable of doing it.

I don't think they are necessarily different. To me, "you can do it" is a positive statement. I have used that statement with S4 many times. I've also told him "you got up there, you can get down" but I made sure to say it also in a positive, encouraging way, as if to say that I have the confidence that he can figure it out on his own without my help. And when he does figure it out he is very pleased with himself and his confidence gets a boost.

However, the statement, "no one in this family is a chicken" could be shaming if spoken with the attitude of "what's the matter with you? What are you afraid of? You're acting like a chicken" etc. It depends on who is saying it, how they're saying it, who they're saying it to, what kind of relationship the two have, etc. If one of my parents had said that to me, I think I would have felt shamed.

Don't forget about temperament and personality types. Some people will be naturally more afraid of things than others and they can't help that. They are born that way. My son was born that way. I do what I can to encourage him and not coddle him, but I also try to understand where he's coming from.

It was interesting to hear Fran's account of the kids at the climbing wall. I have yet to experience any such supportive behavior from children at a playground. The few times that S4 has been afraid and has called out to me to help him he's been ignored by children who have climbed over him or pushed him out of the way, or he's been called a baby. \:\( Telling him that no one in our family is chicken (which would be a lie, BTW) would not help him.

Last edited by mrs.cac4; 09/14/07 07:01 PM.