THANKS, cat. We are not going to C. We did at the beginning, but H stopped later. (That's when he is starting to realize how much he was hurting me and started the slow process to end it with OW. Of course, that didn't work he eventually moved out for a few weeks to truly see the light and truly decide to end the R and came back to me. But the contact is still there, as you know). He feels very uncomfortable seeing C. He never expresses his feelings to anyone except me. Not even his mom or siblings. So I don't think I can push him to see C again.
I have "Not Just Friends". It's still unopened in the box. I wonder with the contact still on, if there is any point in having him read it. he said he would, but I told him we are not working on our M until he cuts all contact. In reality, we are both working on our M and it is working, except for this D#$N contact issue. May be I will find an opportunity to open it and see if he will read it. I think that book will explain to him why A happened. He's been very busy at work and work is his priority so I need to wait anyway for a better time.
I feel like we are just running at the same spot for a few months already. My hurt is not going away though I don't know if he knows that. I told him "I know you are trying your best. And you are doing great. But it's like I need bread and meat to survive, and you keep offering me tons of delicious dessert. The desserts are great and wonderful, but I need the meat and bread." My childhood was nice and good, unlike his troubled childhood. He said I am "spoiled". He did not tell me but I guess he thinks I am asking for too much and does not have a soul to consider OW's feelings. For me, of course I may not care for OW, but logically speaking, trying to think for OW, I think it is way better for him to cut the contact so she can move on with her life, and that's for her own good.
