WAW, If my H the WAS decided to come back and started to want to work things out, I really can't say how I would react. This whole time since the sep I have been saying that I would take him back in a second if he would say sorry and he was ready to work things out but I think if that would happen I think all of the lying that he has done about the OW and the backstabbing that he did to me would finally start to sink in. I am not saying that of all WAS but just the things that I have been hearing about what he has been doing from the start with the OW and whole attitude with me and the kids makes me feel this way.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
A pity he can't be an adult about this stuff at the moment. Other folks have posted this, and there is a fine line to walk, but if your M moves to sep and D then that's a business transaction. You've mentioned in the past that you've let him walk all over you. Stop. If there are some things that you really like and want, get them -- in as nice a way as possible. His actions, though born out of fear and probably even love for you and hurt that you're leaving, are also continued justification/examples of why you left. Bear that in mind. And:
Quote:
For now the ball is in his court. Interesting how the WAS can have the LBS just turn on them...Leaves us WAS that really wanted to work on things in the lurch. Taste of our own medicine maybe?
I thought you had left to maintain your sanity and in the hopes of working on your M. Your H is set in that your M was fine. In your eyes, it certainly wasn't. From what I've read of your sitch, you were in the lurch from the beginning because he wanted to work on the R, but only on his terms, with no changes necessary on his part.
You are shouldering your share of the blame. He's not. Keep that in mind. I've found myself, as I focus on this DB stuffus, blaming myself TOO much. It takes too to tango. Right now, he ain't dancing.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Got to love the dancing references. Yeah trying not to let it get to me. Going to let him do his "thang" or whatever it is that he is doing. Let him have his "space" to figure out what he wants. Hey I got my space and perspective, only fair to give him his. If it isn't me and he is not willing to do the work necessary then so be it. I can only control me and my actions. Maybe he will snap out of it when he realizes that I am not running out and chasing anything in pants...sounds like thats HIS plan. I just hope he wakes up before its waaaay too late.
Still think its funny for man who wasn't interested in me physically is chomping at the bit to shag anything that comes his way. URGH.
Oh well. My turn to GAl/Act as if and sort of move on with my life.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Sounding good, WAW, I'm still hyperventilating for the thought of you, savings and kelley in thongs and boobshirts. Shazaam!
As much as it stinks, all we can do is sit back, keep working on ourselves, and hope our respective spouses come back to us.
In the interim, I know that my PMA will be boosted by 1. HD TV (OMG, I knew it'd be nice, but this is effing sweet. I may never leave my apartment) and 2. visited a gym yesterday and it was VERY nice to see many, many lovely ladies in one spot. Didn't even care that they were sweating.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Friday went to pals 30th B Day party. Went well. Everyone was asking about H made things a little uncomfortable but I just bit my toungue and didn't say much.
Sat AM we had the MC sesh. H arrived before me and had a 1 on 1 with the MC. No idea what they talked about. we talked about H wanting to separate now as well and how he didn't think he could turn things around. I cried on and off. I can't force myself to feel things that just aren't there. Again discussion of how the house I am paying for is now "his" and he will do what he pleases with it. He has totally redecorated the place and packed up anything that we had worked on together. he was a bit nasty and told me I better get used to it. Also that he didn't care if I stopped paying for the house cause both of our credit scores would be ruined and he had nothing left (no family, no wife, no marriage) so it didn't matter to him if he lost everything.
The MC suggested we go back in another 2 weeks and at least try to get to a more amicable point so mediation would be a possiblity.
H left on a business trip, I tried to reach out and give him a hug. he wasn't interested. Finally one last try before he left and he gave me a half hug.
I will tell you all...he has just turned off to any chance of reconcilliation at this point.
Oh well. I went out for some retail therapy and checked out these flat screen TV's all the boys have been talking about but decided to get some real furniture (bub bye IKEA) since it seems like my sitch will be ongoing.
Neither one of us is wearing bands and he is talking about dating. I also found out the one his night with D4 he left her with a sitter overnight to go out and do his thang...This kills me. He has accused me of being a bad parent but since this started I have never left her with a sitter so I could go out and mingle. Not sure how I feel about this. I know I have no control over him or his behaviors but I guess I am pissed because if it was me he would be crucifying for leaving her on " my time". Yes at 4 they tell you EVERYTHING. Big on tattling...even on Mommy and Daddy.
So I think I have been flipped over. I think I am the one trying to save things and he has just given up.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
