Asking for help...not an easy thing for me

[Meredith]

I can see your point, there. So maybe #3 goes back burner for now.

But... Just to play devil's advocate (my favorite game!) let's assume that you did say those things and he responded as you said he would.

Right now stating how I feel is not a good thing to do.
Unless, of course, I am feeling happy. Or sexy. Or horny.

Well, you have to start somewhere and it may as well be there!

Expressing anger brings more anger back at me.

Expressing anger, correctly, might bring more back to you but it's a lot better than keeping it bottled up. The key word is, correctly. Hint, "you crazy sonofablank, how can you just walk out of this house without xyz and expect me not to run your sorry carcass over with a bus!?!?" is not very productive. HOWEVER, saying "that makes me angry because ___" in a calm manner might bring about something - even if it isn't immediate.

Expressing that I feel belittled brings even more. Do I not know how belittled he felt for many years???? (him speaking)

Fair question that deserves a fair answer. "Yes, I do. If I could change that I would but I can only go forward". For flair you might want to add that you were not a stupid kindergartener either, so there.

Expressing confusion brings yet more anger. "You are a smart girl, Pamela. Why do you act so stupid when it comes to this?"

I don't have to be Freud to guess that he would be giving you a non-answer there because he simply doesn't have a real one. But, since he probably care about as much about Freud as I do football you could answer the question anyway. "I apologize for frustrating you, but I'm trying to understand this and would appreciate it if you would explain further." Hell, he might say no but at least he would know that he had confused you.


Disclaimer: The author does not guarantee results, but was simply playing a little fun game of what-if to get Pam thinking.

PS: I absolutely loved our therapist. She's very Christian which made H a whole lot of uncomfortable. But once he got past the praying parts he really took what she had to say to heart. Do you think your H is ready to try therapy again? Now, I don't know where she's working as her office building caught fire, but her office was where your H's office moved to (if I am remembering correctly on where your H's office moved to).