Well - today is THE day. Retrouvaille. I am so nervous and I find that completely unexpected. I was really looking forward to going up until today and now I have a knot in my stomach and I'm terrified. Plain old terrified. I can't explain it except to say that I'm scared about what I will discover about H, about me. I don't know if I have it in me to do this. I mean I will, but, well, I could really benefit from throwing up right now. I feel like this is the moment of truth. The moment when we are standing at the alter in front of everyone and deciding whether or not to say "I do." I'm using this as a time to decide - a really prolonged period of time when someone (god, perhaps) is looking at me and saying - "Do you *really* take *this* man to be your H?" I mean I now know what he is capable of...do I stay? Do I move on? I don't know why this moment is THAT for me, but it is and it's scary and it's going to last 3 days (literally, ok 2). I want my answer to be yes, but I don't know that it will be.
I will post again on Monday or maybe Sunday night.
Limbo thanks for the encouragment! As you can see I KNOW exactly what you are feeling!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
