Maybe. But I doubt it is the same for my H. His family seem to be comfortable with mush. They always pick out birthday cards with the long mushy verses. But they don't seem to use humour the way my family would to reduce tension and try to lift people's spirits. No I think he is that way because his family are all that way, they take life very seriously.
Huh? What you describe sounds like they don’t like mushy emotions, except for birthdays cards.
The other kids were all at the bottom looking up and calling out things like "you can do it" and "believe in yourself". Which I just found hilariously mushy.
Wow. I don’t see anything mushy in that at all. I hear support and encouragement, but those comments aren’t what I would consider mushy.
It made me think about how the same scenario would have been played when I was a kid and I'm pretty sure the kids at the bottom would have been yelling things like "chicken" and "nyer nyer scaredy pants".
I don’t think this is non-mushy. I think this is abusive. Kids can be mean.
If on the other hand someone like my dad was at the bottom he would have made it quite clear (without being rude) that staying on the ledge wasn't going to cut it and I would have to make my own way down. Saying things like "no-one in our family ever chickened out" or "you made it up there, you can make it down".
This sounds very shaming to me. Not supportive, not encouraging, not empathic.
Which is why I think the Deida idea of the man being a rock works. It raises the bar. You can only believe in yourself if you've been given something to believe in. Given a chance to come up to a high set of standard and met them. It's no good someone stooping down to your mush level, they just keep you there.
I agree in part. But what one person considers mushy may be normal encouragement others, or what one considers normal encouragement may sound harsh to another. If you give your H the kind of “mushy” comments like your dad gave you, I can see why he might feel disconnected from you. He might feel more like you shame him.
