Ok. I did pretty good most of the week. Had a really bad day yesterday. Real bad anxiety about being separated from the kids if a divorce happens. Couldn't control it. Slipped big time in regards to talking about R. Got W really mad. In the end we both calmed down. She understands that it's a struggle for me and I can slip but I'm trying really hard. Just asked me to look more in myself for strength since she can't provide any support for me right now (i.e. not get mad when I slip and be encouraging when I'm struggling, like how I give words of encouragement to her for her struggles). Going to focus on not slipping at all next week. I really need to work on being emotionally detached from W. This has been extremely difficult for me. Especially when the W looks so #@@#$ hot every time I go see the kids. The W seems to making baby steps progress in regards to herself. She started working out yesterday morning. That's a very positive step for her since she's been down since the S and letting herself go. I told her I'm really happy for her that she is making great progress towards working on herself.
She is no longer struggling with missing me. Not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. I'm happy she isn't struggling. I'm not so happy that she isn't missing me. According to her it's probably just her missing a companion and not necessarily me. Ouch! Of course they'll justify anything right now to make them feel independent. Ah well....detach detach detach!
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
