Think this is my first time posting to you, but i've been following your thread. This really resonated with me:
Quote:
I look at it like this: when I reach the point where I'm feeling really good about myself and the changes I've made, then I can take a good, hard look at H and see if he's what I want. If he's not and doesn't show any interest in making changes himself, I get to decide what to do then. But since I'm not at that point yet, for me it makes more sense to stay the course and keep riding the wave with him. If I left now (emotionally or physically), I'd still have to do the work on me. So why not do it with him? That make sense?
It makes a ton of sense to me...it's actually almost the same conversation I had with my new C earlier this week when I was relaying to her my sitch and explaining why, after all this time, I'm still hanging in there. It also sounds like you and I are working on some of the same things...
For me, the reality is that i've only fairly recently (a matter of months, not years) really started to get my head around my role in how our R got to where it is (dead) now. The truth is, it's taken a really long time for our R to get where it got, and so, even if things get better someday, it's going to take a loooong time of consistent change on my part and looooots of patience.
And right now I, like you, make the choice still to do that work on myself within the framework of an intact family...I may not always have that option, and I may ultimately choose to alter my choice. But not for now...
