I didn’t read all the way through this thread before I made the above post. Your statement could be true:
So really now all I do is say "Poor old you, let me know if there's anything I can do to help". And he shakes his head sadly and takes on an even more long-suffering look. And I skip away to go about my business in the land of happy people that don't bite off more than they can chew, make promises they can't keep, drink and smoke themselves half to death so they're only running on one cylinder, never leave themselves time for R&R etc.
But if it is as I propose, then your approach may NEVER get him to turn around unless he is somehow able to find it in himself to become comfortable with feeling happy, mushy, vulnerable, as well as letting down defenses. It might be he is scared, it might be he is just not used to it. If he is scared, then his defense stay up for protection and you have a lot of work in front of you. If he just needs to acclimate himself to these new feelings and learn how to become comfortable with them, then it may not be so difficult for you and him.
